I CAN'T THINK OF A NAME FOR THIS BLOG

So who actually owns that stuff on your hard drive?

2012-01-05T17:51:00.000-04:00

Heh. What did you just say?

Over the Christmas holiday, I received a $20 PlayStation Network card from my brother (which has now been established as somewhat of a tradition between us). I leaped into the PlayStation Store headfirst and eventually settled on Assassin's Creed II for around $18 which included all the additional DLC.

Fast forward a few weeks. I'm sitting in my room establishing a new IGN profile (which you can find here) and adding games I own to it. IGN gives you an "estimated value" of your game collection to, I'm guessing, facilitate a nerdy game of "who has the biggest wang in the room". That's when an issue I've pondered since I began purchasing digital goods started to weigh heavy enough on my mind to stop reading Crime and Punishment and hammer out a blog entry on it. Essentially, the issue is this: do I actually own Assassin's Creed II?

No. I do not. Per the PlayStation.com's Terms of Service:

Regardless of the permissions we give you to use the Content, we remain the sole owner of all the Content, and you do not acquire any ownership rights in the Content by assembling, creating files, downloading or saving any of it. If we have included an author attribution, a trademark or copyright notice or other legal notices on the Content, you should not remove or alter any of these. -PlayStation.com: Terms of Service, Section 4.

This may come as a surprise to you, but it certainly didn't surprise me. I have long thought-on and explored the issue of digital content and ownership rights which began upon a rather sour experience with iTunes (we won't get into that). Digital music shoppers undoubtedly already know what I'm talking about. The content is being licensed to me. I am able to access it and download it to my harddrive, but it's not mine. However, if I had chosen to buy a physical copy of Assassin's Creed II, (or a CD from a physical retailer) I would have a completely different set of rights, i.e. I would own it.

Ezio is upset with me because I chose convenience over actual ownership. Blame my brother actually.

If you have ever participated in, or gleefully observed, the so-called "GameStop Debate," it's likely that you are familiar with the first-sale doctrine. GameStop owes its existence to the first-sale doctrine since it:

...allows the purchaser to transfer (i.e., sell, lend or give away) a particular lawfully made copy of the copyrighted work without permission once it has been obtained. This means that the copyright holder's rights to control the change of ownership of a particular copy ends once ownership of that copy has passed to someone else, as long as the copy itself is not an infringing copy -Wikipedia

First-sale doesn't apply to most digital content since you, usually, do not own it, and it's precisely why I scoffed at IGN's "estimated value" of my video game collection. I don't think their purpose was to show you the monetary assets your sitting on, but to show you how much you've invested into gaming in dollars and cents. Or, by proxy, to show you how much of a lame-ass nerd you are... but I digress.
I can't resell my digitally licensed copy of Assassin's Creed II to GameStop, but I can access it and redownload it as much as I want, granted I download it to no more than five authorized PS3 consoles. What digital content lacks in actual ownership, it makes up for it (to some small extent) by virtue of convenience of supply.

Internet, meet Convenience Bear

The convenience of digital content really needs no exposition by me. You already probably know the pros and cons just by living in the world and having the Internet. Sure, I don't physically own ACII, but all I had to do to get it was sit on my ass and press a few buttons. And I could have done this at any time, even 4AM on a Sunday.

My friend got this game. Our parents
thought we were Satanists.

Another interesting facet of digital content ownership (or lack thereof) is how the prospect of infinite supply affects pricing. I haven't conducted enough issue of the subject, so don't take anything I have to say as authoritative or sourced in any way (maybe later, but I don't have enough time now). If you don't know how it works, the pricing saga of Shin Megami Tensei: Nocturne in America perfectly illustrates how supply and demand affects pricing as far as physical ownership is concerned. Nocturne was released in America to critical acclaim and "good" sales (as stated by the Megami Tensei Wiki, I couldn't find US sales data), but in the years after its release, the price of a new or used copy of the game shot up to around $60 at points. A reprint of the game in 2008 stabilized those prices and you can currently pick up a new copy of the game for $30 or less.
How can digital content possibly be affected by this since the supply is literally limitless? I guess it can't. Does the advent of digital content, assuming that whatever you're looking for is available digitally, completely eliminate supply considerations? It seems obvious, but I'm no economist. I do know that prices of new things tend to go down as new-er things come along and that will (probably) never change...
So what thoughts do you have? Comment away.

On the Fox News Fact-Checking Department...

2011-12-06T17:44:00.001-04:00

Everyone's favorite propaganda machine is back! And this time they've failed harder than Herman Cain's presidential bid. It's incredible how often people with proverbial graveyards in their closets run for the Presidency in this country (just wait until the American public remembers all the extra-marital action Newt Gingrich got). That aside, take a look at this graphic used by Fox News recently in their "coverage" of the Elena Kagan controversy.

Looks official!

Do you spot the error? For starters, the Constitution doesn't have 28 articles, nor does it have anything close to a section 144. Secondly, this language isn't part of the Constitution! At all! Did Fox "News" fabricate this factoid? According to this article, that language does exist in Title 28 of the US Code, Section 455, but that obviously isn't "The Constitution". Simple error? Probably, but consider this: Fox "News" has recently "won" consecutive "Lie of the Year" awards from PolitiFact. In response to this and other failures of the Fox "News" fact checking department, I decided to give them a call and ask a few questions:

Well, that's odd. Their phone doesn't seem to be connected. Y'know, I'm not too sure the lights are even on in that building anymore.

The Sheer Brilliance of PETA

2011-11-15T18:07:00.001-04:00

Oh Internet, I have officially seen it all. The two subjects I write most about--video games and politics--have come together once again! Let's not get into what kind of a sick human being is hugely interested in both video games and politics and instead talk about skinning raccoon dogs! We all know and love (hate) PETA: which of course doesn't stand for People Eating Tasty Animals as peta.org once linked to, but for People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (and is also far more convoluted).

It seems they have gotten their oft uncomfortably bunched panties into a bunch again over the upcoming Nintendo 3DS game Super Mario 3D Land releasing this statement along with a flash game where the aforementioned raccoon dog errrr... gets his skin back:

When on a mission to rescue the princess, Mario has been known to use any means necessary to defeat his enemy—even wearing the skin of a raccoon dog to give him special powers.
Tanooki may be just a "suit" in Mario games, but in real life, tanuki are raccoon dogs who are skinned alive for their fur. By wearing Tanooki, Mario is sending the message that it's OK to wear fur. Play Super Tanooki Skin 2D and help Tanooki reclaim his fur!

Mario does indeed wear the aforementioned raccoon dog suit to give himself special powers. I have a question though. What kind of a suit does PETA members wear to make themselves super douchebags?

What a deplorable animal abuser... either that or he's a fictional character with fictional powers in a fictional world where animals are not skinned for their fur because the characters in the world have been created by the developers to provide an entertaining platforming experience that takes no philosophical positions outside the context of the game. But which is the better sounding sound byte?

So in an effort to appeal to kids, who don't vote or influence public policy in any direct way, PETA unnecessarily tries turning a gaming icon into some sort of merciless animal slayer? The website also comes complete with all the G-rated, family friendly violence you've come to expect from the kind of reputable organization that supports domestic terrorism.
You know, I've played Mario games for years and I can't recall ever skinning an animal and parading around in its literal skin. Mario has more to say about blue balls than the issue of fur trading. PETA's pathetic attempt to shoehorn their agenda into the release of Super Mario 3D Land is simply laughable. I think I speak for most gamers when I say: fuck off. Stop exploiting the medium to make cheap political statements to a demographic, children, that couldn't give two shits about the issue you're trying to raise.

Candidates Called by God

2011-11-13T05:16:00.001-04:00

Are you there God? It's me, Rick.

Michele Bachmann. Rick Santorum. Rick Perry. Herman Cain. What do they have in common? Besides treading water in the intelligence department, all four of them have claimed that “God” called them to run for President.

Of course, no one has asked them the obvious question of: “do you often hear voices in your head?” Not many questions are asked at all. If you're a Republican running for public office the media simply assumes you were sent by God. However this concept has seemingly jumped the shark in this campaign cycle. Four candidates claiming to be sponsored by God? Well, that certainly doesn't make sense. They can't all be President and, furthermore, if God is as omnipotent as he claims, then surely he knows this. So what gives?

The answer is simple: they're lying right to our faces and we're letting them get away with it.

Herman Cain: the latest candidate to be "persuaded" by God to run.

This isn't a matter of whether or not God exists. It's a matter of disgusting political opportunists who exploit the religious beliefs of a gullible public to secure votes for themselves. Voters tend to prefer candidates that are principled: case-in-point Mitt Romney. Many would also prefer a candidate that shares their religious views and it's perfectly okay to vote for someone because you agree on philosophy. However, that's not exactly the case here. It's an easy sell rhetorically because, if this article is correct, fifty-two percent of people believe that Jesus speaks to them directly through their thoughts and emotions. I'm not saying that politicians don't have religious beliefs, of course they do. But this “called by God” nonsense is just taking it too far. It's like saying “A vote against is me, is a vote against God”. And if you lose? Well, it's because God is obviously punishing America for not faithful enough by electing a President that's not anointed... Duh. Do you see why this is a problem? They claim divine inspiration and have a convenient escape plan if their candidacy falls through.

If you look at the numbers you do find that Congress is overwhelming Christian, but I think this has more to do with simple demographics. America is 60-70% Christian. Many candidates don't run for office on their faith and it's not an issue. And, of course, the majority probably have never claimed a divine calling.

Pete Stark: First Atheist in Congress and possibly Iron Man

So just how many non-Christians are in Congress? The 111th House has been lauded as the “most religiously diverse... in history” yet only 36 members are non-Christians... out of 435. Only a single representative in the House identifies as an atheist... care to guess which state he's from? 10 points to Gryffindor if you said California. But I digress.
Maybe these candidates legitimately believe that God has spurred them towards the Presidency. Maybe I'm just reading too much into this. Maybe my cynicism has reached new heights. But what's more likely? We are talking about politicians here: a social group known for its trustworthiness and strong moral compass. Do you honestly think they wouldn't exploit religion to rally support? Herman Cain played the God card after being caught up in a sexual harassment scandal... coincidence? Here's what I do know for sure: anytime a human being claims to speak for God, even as indirectly as these candidates have, you know trouble is coming. Don't fall for it.

Retro: Rayman

2011-11-13T01:12:00.001-04:00

It seems that nowadays most video game companies don't use their mascots anymore, save Nintendo (and to a lesser extent Sega) who plaster Mario's iconic mug onto anything they can get their hands on. It's more likely for someone to own a piece of Mario merchandise than a first-aid kit. That's a fact (that I just made up). PlayStation had its platforming/adventure icons: Crash, Spyro, Jak & Daxter, Sly Cooper, Ratchet & Clank. Xbox had resident badass Master Chief... so on and so forth.

I suppose there's room for two Michel's in my heart.

Lest we forget Ubisoft's mascot: Rayman. Created by French National Hero (at least in my mind) Michel Ancel and debuting in the eponymous 1995 platformer. If you've never played Rayman, now might be a good time. 2011 marks the long-awaited return of the limbless fist-slinger in Rayman: Origins which is shaping up to be an incredible piece of platforming joy.

The original Rayman is a colorful and vibrant 2-D platformer. You'll notice this right away when you step into the first world. The environments are impressively detailed and surreal. Each themed world is both cutesy and nightmarish in its own special way and has unique obstacles and creatures that want Rayman dead: weaponized fruit, gravity-defying piranha, and eyeballs that shoot lightning... I'm not kidding about the surreal part. It's like if Candy Land fucked Dir En Grey's Obscure music video. Did I mention Rayman doesn't have any limbs? He's a floating torso with magic hands and feet! Rayman himself is vibrant, animated, and aesthetically pleasing.

Bonus character for Assassin's Creed Rev.?

One thing Rayman will do is remind you that video games used to be hard. We all remember those days, don't we? Rayman's health doesn't regenerate and not all stages have a midway checkpoint. I don't think the game gives you nowhere as many continues as you need and that's my only real criticism of the game. You start out with 5 and I'd be surprised if a newcomer completes Dream Forest with more than 1 or 2. I've played quite a bit of the game lately and, far as I can tell, you can't get any additional continues unless you cheat (Up, Down, Right, Left on the Game Over screen when you have less than three continues remaining... you're welcome). Or maybe I should just suck it up and admit that modern gaming has spoiled me.

So if you like platformers and you've (somehow) skipped over Rayman, give it a shot. You probably won't be disappointed. Oh and speaking of French National Hero and Certified Ass-Kicker Michel Ancel...

My body is ready, Pey'j...

We await patiently for Beyond Good & Evil 2.

How Much Can I Love Indie Games and Not Be Called a Hipster?

2011-11-02T20:07:00.001-03:00

Is it ironic that I spent so little time editing this image or am I just lazy? Shit.

You know me guys. I'm a rabid gamer. PC and console primarily though I've had my tenure at the tabletop playing Dungeons & Dragons, Magic: The Gathering, and others. So I'm reading through all kinds of articles on Kotaku, Gamespot, IGN, etc. today about the Bethesda-Notch debacle and I notice something: most of the argument in the comment sections, especially on Kotaku, seem to be focused on the issue of mainstream games vs. indie games. As in Skyrim vs. Minecraft.

I really love indie games because they're often significantly more inspired that mainstream games. Give me Braid over Black Ops any day. That's just the kind of guy I am.

If you didn't know me at all (perhaps you don't, I generally just assume my friends read this) and all you knew about me is that I loved playing Bastion and blogging about how Beyond Good & Evil is a work of pure genius, wouldn't you assume I was a hipster? What about the fact that I just listed three indie/cult games that all start with the letter B?

Maybe I am a "gaming hipster." But then again, hating hipsters is the new hipster. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to play some more Barkley, Shut up and Jam! because it's so bad.

How Praise Turns to Criticism: Final Fantasy X. vs Final Fantasy XIII

2011-11-01T11:56:00.001-03:00

This game can't be good... no online multiplayer.

Let me go ahead and get this out of the way: I fucking love the Final Fantasy series of video games. I've at the very least played every incarnation of the main series and most all of the spin-offs. I've fully completed IV, VI, VII, VIII, IX, X, and XII. I came very close to finishing I and II. III I've spent the least amount of time with followed by V (which I'll be working through next). Oh, and yes, I played Final Fantasy XI and I enjoyed it while I did.

So, naturally, I was hella excited when XIII hit. I even took a picture of it with my phone and uploaded it to Facebook before I got home after the midnight release.
At that point I had a 360 so I popped my game in and started playing. Boy, was it beautiful! Everything looked amazing. Some of the first few battles kicked in and while I felt very limited to what I could do at first, more and more combat techniques starting creeping in. I started noticing similarities to Final Fantasy X, definitely one of the best entries in the series, after the introduction level. I quite enjoyed that first night playing it.

A few days later, I wanted to know what my friends thought about it. Their response was almost universally negative. In fact, one kid at school kept bugging me day after day with a new disparaging review he had read on Screw Attack, anecdotal stories about how "it was showing up in bargain bins for like $15 everywhere," and parroting oft heard criticisms of "it's too linear." I told everyone I enjoyed the game and they just couldn't believe it. It was like I was the sole defender and everyone who knew that just couldn't wait to tell me how they didn't like the game very much. I didn't really argue with them except to simply say that I didn't buy the linear argument for a second since I generally prefer linear games to sandbox games. Especially for a story-driven experience like Final Fantasy. However, one day I decided to fight back and I brought up how similar the game was to the much beloved Final Fantasy X.

Oh nostalgia!

For example, in both games, "summons" (Aeons for X, Eidolons for XIII) play a central role in the plot. Characters are driven to complete a task that will end with death for success or failure depending. The growth system ditches experience points completely and opts instead for a kind of map (Sphere Grid for X, Crystarium for XIII) that the player explores to unlock benefits and new techniques. Both games feature a theocratic body that engages in a sort of "Holy War" (Bevelle for X, Sanctum for XIII). Both games are linear with players advancing from one point to the next to further the plot and engage boss characters. Both games have minimaps used to steer the player to the next objective. Both games feature an large free-roaming area at the end of the game that can be explored. In both games many monsters are portrayed as corrupted souls ("fiends" being corrupted Unsent and "Cie'th" being I'Cie that didn't complete their Focus) Both games were also directed by Motomu Toriyama and both mark huge changes to the battle and development systems. On a more superficial note, both games are well-known for their graphical advances and lush, detailed environments.

So why then is Final Fantasy X lauded and Final Fantasy XIII derided by most players I've met? Most professional reviewers did give both X and XIII high marks. For one, XIII featured a hugely different battle system that was an evolution of Final Fantasy XII's love-it-or-hate-it ADB system. ADB played out more like an MMO with monsters roaming the field and battles taking place in the field without a separate "battle screen". X's Coditional Turn-Based Battle system is more like Final Fantasy Tactics than any other main series title and is miles different from the Active Time Battle system that the series used since IV. In ATB, time was always counting down and a characters could perform an action when their ATB gauge was full. CTB eliminates time pressure but creates a new kind of tactical pressure. It gives you a list at the right showing in what order each battle participant gets to act so you can choose whether to mount a full assault or build up your defenses for your enemies get their turns. XII drew much ire by some players for its departure, but was openly embraced by many more it seems. XIII is certainly no different.

Most interesting to me is the criticism of XIII being so linear. I didn't hear much mention of this when X came out. X and XIII are virtually similar in this regard. XIII does seem to have more FMVs than X, but the point still stands. There were a few that raised small objections lamenting the departure of the the controllable airships and open world maps, but these objections were minor and not shouted from the mountaintops like they were for XIII. But what do you expect? We live in an age where games like universally acclaimed games like Uncharted 2: Among Thieves still draw criticism, mostly by average Joe gamer and hardly ever by critics in this case, for being "too linear". It feels like every Western game has to have character customization and open worlds to be successful or "good".

Does nostalgia play a role? FFX's combat felt more traditional compared to anything that came after it. XII and XIII took bold steps in a new direction and seemed to step on a few toes in doing so.
So what gives? I'm not trying to make the argument that Final Fantasy XIII is as good as Final Fantasy X because I don't think it is. I do think it's a really good game. However, people who dish out harsh criticism of it, and then remember X so fondly perhaps need to think a little longer on the issue...

Tea Party Patriots v. Occupy Wall Street

2011-10-24T12:22:00.004-03:00

If only the Tea Party tasted this good.

Oh tell me, Internet, why am I browsing Tea Party Patriots.org on this chilly October morning?

For two years now, tea partiers have stood firmly on principle and helped shape the political debate in this country. They believe in time-honored American values, principles and systems including the freedom to innovate and employ people to implement and distribute one's ideas to the public. They believe freedom from government allows entrepreneurs to try new things, see what works and discard what doesn't. They don't believe corporations are inherently evil, nor should bankers be beheaded. They do not believe this country should be divided by class, but united in a return to the principles that undergird our nation's success. In fact, they want more of what made America great: more Constitutional restraint on government so that the people have more freedom to achieve the good things the country offers.

I find the most fascinating thing about the Tea Party is the way they try to lend the movement credibility by placing themselves in the "good ol' days". "Time-honored American values, principles and systems" sounds great, right? I can almost smell the Apple pie right now. What about the "time-honored" American value of oppressing blacks? It certainly was "time-honored" with segregation only ending in the 20th century. Another obvious example is the name "Tea Party" which seeks to connect their movement with the American Revolution. It's pretty absurd if you give it any level of thought. What does small government have to do with representation in Parliament?
The Tea Party certainly doesn't believe that corporations are inherently evil. Nearly every move they've made in Washington is to cut their taxes and allow them to plunder the environment more and more by squeezing the EPA. And bankers definitely shouldn't be beheaded, I agree. They should be indicted, right Tea Party? Aren't you guys for fiscal responsibility? It's plastered all over your homepage like porn ads on CoolRom. What's more fiscally irresponsible than breaking the law and creating a massive financial crisis?
Stating that America should not "be divided by class" is simply wishful thinking. It is divided by class with the gap between the rich and poor ever growing. That's what the Occupy Wall Street movement is pointing out. "...united in a return to the principles that undergird our nation's success"? There's that "good 'ol days" thinking again. What exactly do we need to "return" to? They keep using this language about going back and returning but they never seem to give a cogent definition of where that place is. Did you not see that episode of Penn & Teller: Bullshit! where they pointed out that the "good ol' days" never really existed? It's just a fictional space you invented in your mind that doesn't suck as bad as your life sucks now.

By contrast, those occupying Wall Street and other cities, when they are intelligible, want less of what made America great and more of what is damaging to America: a bigger, more powerful government to come in and take care of them so they don't have to work like the rest of us who pay our bills.

The tea party, meanwhile, was a spontaneous, organic and fast-moving movement, but it has maintained a cogent message: a demand for fiscal responsibility in government.

Please don't go there, Tea Party Patriots:

Because we all know your movement is known for its intelligence and wit. OWS isn't about welfare and the government taking care of anyone. It isn't about laziness.

The Tea Party wasn't spontaneous and organic, first of all. Let's not continue to engage in that mass delusion. Secondly, OWS message isn't as muddled as you're attempting to imply. The movement is about massive income disparity and political representation. It's about accountability. It's about holding the people that, for lack of a better term, fucked our economy responsible for their actions: something the federal government doesn't seem too interested in doing. We are tired of bought politicians and special interest groups controlling our government.

Tea party rallies have always been safe and clean. Unlike in New York, we can find no reports of tea partiers being arrested, individually or en masse, at the thousands of tea parties across the country with millions of attendees that have taken place for years now. They are not lawbreakers, they don't hate the police, they don't even litter. A quick glance at the TV reveals the sharp contrast posed by the Wall Street occupiers.

That's true, no arrests. However, Tea Party events were one-off deals: one day of protest and misspelled sign waving and then we all go home. And you accused OWS of being lazy! They're actually putting forth some effort. That's why you see the backlash. Most OWS protesters haven't broken the law as you're so authoritatively implying. Most OWS protesters don't hate the police. If you guys are looking for a cop hater, look no further then this guy.
You are certainly right about that last sentence, though. There is a sharp contrast between the Tea Party protesters and the OWS protesters: one is truly revolutionary and one just isn't. Care to guess which one isn't? I'll give you a hint: it's the one with guys getting pepper sprayed, beaten, and arrested.

Yet the Leftist media cheers for a group of lawbreaking troublemakers who occupied a park in New York, blocked the Brooklyn Bridge, were arrested by the hundreds and treated law enforcement with disrespect and disdain all while trying to tear down the foundations of the greatest nation on earth.

And what the fuck were these guys? Law-abiding citizens? That image was hosted on a Tea Party website. You idolize these men yet you have disdain for "lawbreaking troublemakers"? How can you have respect for a man who's spraying chemicals into your face? How can you respect a man who is bludgeoning you with a club for exercising your right to protest? It's such a disgusting hypocrisy.

Such a media response is expected. But when you compare these people with tea partiers' now you've got a problem with We the People.

I hate to break it to you, Tea Party Patriots, but you are not We the People. You are currently the most hated group in America, according to polls. For real. Problem? I know it stings. You've been outdone in every conceivable way. OWS is very much We the People. They don't need to shoehorn that 1776 bullshit into their movement to lend it undue credibility either. We are the 99%

Reaction to Occupy Wall Street

2011-10-22T21:45:00.000-03:00

The right's reaction to Occupy Wall Street is something to marvel at. To see Eric Cantor voice his "concern" over the "mobs" that have gathered in New York (and across the world) when he himself stood in solidarity with the Tea Party "mobs" (aren't weasel words fun?) that broke out across the country after 2008. To see Fox News pretend that Occupy Wall Street isn't a spontaneous grassroots movement and that all the protesters are loony Maoists when they openly propped up the Tea Party movement (here's an excellent rundown: link). I'm in stitches. This is some of the finest comedy the world has ever seen.

It would be, anyway, if they weren't serious.

For the politicians, it's nothing new: double standards (Tea Party mobs?), hypocrisy (Tea Party mobs?), lies (Occupy Wall Street doesn't have a message), etc (War on Christimas)., but it seems especially egregious here since both OWS and those Tea Party folks might have a lot in common if the Fox News media machine hadn't already assured them that they were sworn mortal enemies like Sub-Zero and Scorpion.

That's all I really got right now in the way of thoughts. More to come.

Transhuman: A Short Story

2011-10-06T22:57:00.001-03:00

“I’mnot going to lie,” the wild-eyed technophile warned, “this isgonna hurt.”

Thosewere the last words I heard as a human being. He plunged the needleinto my neck. I felt the cold fluid invade my blood. My musclestightened and stuck me in place. No pain yet. My senses began to growdull and unreliable. The color of rust, the white sheet, the strangemetallic instruments all churned into darkness. There was no way ofknowing how long the droll state lasted. I remember wondering if thefreak was just going to fuck me over just before the foggy cloakfully drew over my perception.

Thepain snapped me back into consciousness as if I were thrown into apool of Arctic water. It splintered throughout my body and every partof my frail, human vessel screamed an agonizing song. There’shardly anything to compare it to. Imagine the worst headache you everhad and every tendon in your body on the verge of snapping. Oh, andsuppose your skin was also boiling off of your bones. Remember thoseold stories about Hell that your parents used to scare you with? Kindof like that.

Butthen it was gone. Instantly. That was the precise moment I ceased tobe a man, so I'm told.

“Okay,kid,” the freakshow said, “how about I do your cute little punkass a favor. One mod on the house.”

AGlasgow-smile crept across my face. I was going to have to wait overa week to have enough money to afford one. I tried my best not to acttoo excited though on the inside I was squirming.

“Iappreciate it,” I replied.

Hetook me up to a green cabinet that hung on the wall furthest from thedoor and keyed in five digits on an analog keypad. It opened with asatisfying click by itself.

“Goodplace to start,” stated the freakshow as he turned to me and curledup his arm to show a bicep, “is with muscle, don’t ya think?” Inodded. He pulled down a gray container and opened it up. It’s hardto describe how I felt at the time. Excitement ebbed inside a sea ofapprehension, tossing about flotsam of doubt as it violently crashedagainst the rocky shores of expectations and lapped up to the feet ofmy peers and superiors. Or something like that.

Iwinced and it was over. I felt the paralyzing feeling again but itquickly subsided as sensation crawled over my skin like a thousandtiny ants. There was no pain, soreness, or fatigue. I sprung up fromthe table and walked over to the large, dirty mirror in the cornerand stared at my figure. I didn’t look any different. It was stillme for the most part. Roughly 85 percent I guess.

Ithanked the freakshow and left. Once outside his little rundownhideaway, I began to run. I was much faster. I sprinted through thebrick corridors of the Old City with no regard to direction. The OldCity was dark, moss-laden, and the permanent home of undergroundmodders, the derelict, and all manner of unsavory characters. Not tomention the beasts and monsters that called it home, sweet home aswell. It was tiny patches of civilization spread thin across a 20thcentury metropolis like a some dirty mucous membrane. Crumblingskyscrapers, fast food restaurants, and massive neon signs served asthe only reminder that this place was once civilized. Humanity hadforsaken this place.

Thebygone city did have one thing to offer you: freedom from thewatchful, infiltrating eye of modern civilization: all those camerasand sensors 'round the city probing at every chance. A little dangerisn’t a steep price to pay for liberty and theland-of-do-as-you-please. Like in that comic book where the maskedman that wanted to blow up Parliament over in the UK. ‘Course itwas just England back then I guess. I’m not sure. The governmenthad too much control and was corrupt and all. Feels like it’s thesame way here now but not as bad since people aren’t disappearingin the middle of the night far as I know.

Anyway,I’d just read about that kind of freedom and I was kind of feelingit now. It was intoxicating. It was an incomprehensible idea youheard the intellectuals musing on for hours down in the New Senate.How much was enough? Was there such a thing as enough? As I torethrough the labyrinth of the the lost city, propelled by legs thatcould barely feel fatigue, I couldn't fathom an end to it.

Thewind against my face was cool and inviting like those pictures ofmountain streams in the school archives. I leaped over an approachingwall and clumsily smashed into another one upon landing. It turns outgrace isn’t something you can just fix with technology. I felt likethat spider kid from the comics: like right when he was starting out.

Iran for a full two hours around the city, trying to run acrossupright walls, seeing how far I could jump (a few car lengths), andother amateurish acrobatic feats until the most remote feelings oftiredness began to sneak into my body. I glanced at my mobile: it wasnearly three in the morning. I guess I had to go home.

Dad’sgonna be pissed.

Y’know,I don’t have to tell them. It’s not like I look any different.Most people, including my folks, have this idea about what a personshould be. They see all the modders and technophiles as evil subhumans. It's just simple prejudice I guess. It will probably passwith time just like the civil rights movement we read about inHistory.

Iwalked into the front door of the apartment and was relieved to seethe Holo was turned off. I tried not to kick the spare computer partsthat were sitting at the top of the steps like I did the nightbefore. I made my way to my room as quietly as I could.

“Do you know,” came dad’s stern voice from behind his door, “whattime it is?”

“Yeah,”I groaned.

“Getin the bed. Nobody who was ever anything slept ‘til two in theafternoon,” he continued.

“Iknow, dad.”

Ishut my door and stripped off my clothes. I didn’t really feel likesleeping but I figured I should try. I need to be on dad’s bestside possible for the next few weeks just in case he gets wise towhat I’ve done.

I gingerly placed the old comic books that were laying on my bed ontothe night stand. I really like comic books: all different kinds. Ilike the classic super hero ones with the masks and capes. I like theamateur ones on the web that people just publish themselves. I likethe less mainstream comics with the realistic stories. I even likethe Japanese ones. They’re called manga but you can still call themcomics if you want. Some people don’t like to though. Anyway,they're a lot more serious than people think. Most people thinkcomics are just kids stuff but a lot of the stories are reallymature. There's also an interplay of words and images that's sounique. It's different from the stuff on the Holo. I drifted off tosleep thinking about it.

Iwoke up the next morning pretty early all things considered. Ten AMwasn't bad for me. Dad had left a note for me to go to the grocerystore and get some things for dinner and all so I drove out to thegrocery store downtown. Oh Christ, it was Sunday. I hate Sundays.

SoI was walking into the store and I saw this girl. She was wearing herSunday clothes and had probably just left church. It was a nice dressactually: white with some sort of floral print. I don’t bother withany of that church and soul stuff. Dad doesn’t really either. Well,I guess he does in his own way. He doesn’t go to any churches oranything but I guess it’s more of a tradition thing for him which Iguess is okay. So anyway, she looked at me then looked away real fastbecause our eyes met. I did too. We did it again before she passedme. I wonder why she looked that second time. Was it out ofadmiration or disgust? Probably the latter. I didn’t look thatnice. I didn’t wash my hair that morning so my hair was kind ofgreasy. I don’t know why I was thinking about it because she wasn’tthat attractive. Well, she was pretty and all but not exactly asupermodel. I guess it was that look of incredulity on her face likeshe couldn’t believe it was Sunday and I wasn’t dressed nice ofcoming from church. Fine by me I guess. People like that are usuallypretty dull anyway.

Thegrocery store was uneventful. I grabbed some vegetables and somesteaks and bought them with dad’s card; he had left it downstairswith the note. I had to go back in because I forgot to get his beer.Dad liked beer. He drank it like most people would drink soda Iguess. He hardly ever got drunk though.

AsI was walking outside, I heard a commotion somewhere off to thedistance. It sounded innocent enough. I figured it was one of thoseminor accidents that tend to happen in parking lots. So I pretty muchtuned it out completely until I reached my car and started digging inmy pockets for my keycard. Someone started screaming right aroundthat time and it scared the hell out of me.

Ilooked over to where the noise was coming from. It was the girl inthe pretty dress. She was disappearing behind three black shapes thatwere probably muggers. My heart started racing. It was definitelyfear, but there was something else in there too.

Iran over to where she was standing before she was engulfed. I triedto think of something to say.

“Heyget off of her!” I shouted.

Twoof the shapes looked up. The third continued to restrain the girl inthe dress. They were all wearing black hats, solid black turtlenecks,and similarly colored pants and boots. The boots looked heavy. Theywere also definitely human males. For split second I thought theycould have been monsters, as absurd as that sounds.

“What'sit to you, punk?” one of men grimaced.

“You'rehurting her,” I replied. “Stop it.”

Theone who had spoken to me stood up and looked me over. He didn't laughor anything but I knew he thought I was a fool. I didn't look thatthreatening and, of course, there was only one of me and three ofthem. He smiled. I would've grinned too if I wasn't so goddamnedscared. I knew they probably couldn't hurt me or anything but it'snot like I had ever been in a fight. I'd seen plenty of kung fumovies and read plenty of comic books though. I'm sure I couldimprovise something.

Thefirst punch caught me right in the nose. It didn't really hurt but Icould feel the blood pouring into my mouth and running down my chin.He looked pretty shocked that I didn't fall down or even really reactto him attacking me. He threw a second punch but I moved to the sideand threw one of my own about as hard as I could throw it. It struckthe side of his head and sent him toppling over. I nearly fell overon top of him from the momentum. The other man in black kicked me inthe side as I was getting my footing back. I ignored it and answeredwith another wild punch. It struck him in the cheek but he remainedstanding. A push kick sealed the deal and he collapsed onto thepavement next to the last man in black and the girl in the prettydress. She managed to roll over and look up to me. Her makeup wasrunning all over her face and she wore an expression of mixed anguishand relief.

Thethird man was on his feet. I didn't notice because I was watching thegirl in the dress. He produced a pistol from his back and pulled thehammer back. The girl started screaming again.

“Fuck,”I muttered.

Iran towards him as hard as I could. I wasn't sure what was going tohappen. I wasn't sure if my enhanced muscles would stop the bullets.I knew that it would be impossible to dodge the bullets. I was atleast ten feet away so at least one or two would hit me. I hoped itwouldn't hurt as bad as the broken nose. My perception of pain seemedto be dulled, but what if he hit me in the head? That would stillkill me probably.

Thefirst bullet hit me in the left shoulder. It hurt, but less than thenose. The second grazed my cheek, taking a bit of my face with it.The third missed completely.

Istruck him with my whole body: shoulder first. He dropped the gunfrom the force of the blow. It was like a truck running over a cartonof milk. I nearly folded him over. I wasn't finished though. I wantedhim to remember me. I picked the low life up and rammed him into anearby car causing it to slide across the lot as I pushed. I couldfeel his lungs attempt to draw breath... I was crushing his internalorgans. I pushed for a good seven seconds before I stopped and lethis limp body fall to the ground like a ragdoll. He wasn't dead, butI'm sure he was in the worst pain of his life.

Theblood from my nose and gunshot wounds was coming down likewaterfalls. I covered them up with my hands and made my way back tothe girl in the dress. She had sat up but was obviously still inshock. She had started crying again. She wiped her eyes and made eyecontact with me for the fourth time that day.

“Areyou okay?” I asked.

“Yeah,”she said through the sniffling. “Thank you so much. I don't knowwhat they would've done to me.”

“It'sokay,” I returned. “Go home and be with your family.”

Shenodded and rose to her feet. Despite her dress being torn and hermakeup all runny she still looked pretty. She quickly kissed me onthe cheek and disappeared into the lot. The gunshots and commotionhad attracted a small crowd that snapped pictures of me and clappedas I walked towards my car. Two of them approached me and asked if Iwas okay and if I needed to go to the hospital. I declined saying Iwas okay and I could drive myself. I heard someone in the crowd shout“hero”.

Suddenlythe full gravity of my situation dawned on me. Mom and Dad are goingto find out.

Myvisit to the hospital was fairly brief. They were even ready for myarrival, greeting me at the emergency door with applause. Theyquickly closed my wounds and set my nose. All the doctors and nursescongratulated me and told me I did a fine job. I was on my way backhome within forty-five minutes.

Theroad home was a long one. I was filled with conflicting emotions. I'msure my parents had saw everything. There were cameras everywhere.The people at the hospital already knew. I know what I did was good,but they won't see it that way. They'll see me as subversive anddeviant. They'll see me as a corrupted being. I'm no longer pure eventhough for once in my life I acted selflessly.

Ipulled into the car bay and stepped through the door into my house.Dad was sitting in his chair and turned to face me. He stared at melike I killed his fucking mother or something. I finally broke thesilence.

“What?”

“What'swrong with you?” He snapped.

“Nothing,Dad.”

“Isaw you all over the Holo. You're one of those freaks, aren't you?”

“Freaks?”That hurt me. “I saved a girl's life.”

“So?You're one of those techno freaks aren't you? Huh? Are you?!” Heshouted. I could feel his rage growing. It pricked at my skin likewool.

“Iguess I am Dad,” I sighed. “But why do you care? Did you see whatI did? Everyone was cheering and telling me I did a good thing,” Ipaused. “I really did.”

“Itdoesn't matter. You're unclean,” he said as he turned away from me.“I don't want to see you right now... go to your room. Your motheris on her way over.”

“I'ma fucking hero Dad,” I asserted. “A fucking hero. And I don'tcare if you shun me or tell me I'm unclean.”

Dadwas silent. He refused to look at me. It was like he pitied me likeone might pity a one of those wretched monsters that lived in the OldCity.

“I'mnot going to my room,” I strained through gritted teeth. “I'mleaving.”

Stillhe wouldn't face me. I wondered how long he stood there before herealized that I was gone.

Transhuman by Jon Chrisawn is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.
Based on a work at werejohnny.blogspot.com.

Surprise! PS2 Classics?

2011-10-06T18:59:00.003-03:00

In lieu of seemingly nothing (although that may just be me being out of the loop so long), Sony has released several PS2 games for download. Much like their pretty sizable library of PSone Classics, these are billed as PS2 classics:

God Hand
Odin Sphere
Maximo: Ghosts to Glory
Odin Sphere
GrimGrimoire

Certainly a diverse list. I was especially pleased to see God Hand among them:

Not exactly a cheap game. The others on the list can be found for right around 10 bucks used on Amazon.com though new copies of Ring of Red are listed as around $80. The PSN version will run you $9.99. Not bad!

This seems to be a good move for Sony since they canned PS2 emulation a while back. Originally I was going to write this article about how Sony, as much as I love them, seem to arrive late on a lot of things. However, I didn't necessarily consider sales of PS2 games and not to mention a booming aftermarket.

Hopefully we'll see more PS2 titles in the future! Sony's PSone Classic library is a strong one complete with critical darlings like Vagrant Story and blockbuster titles like Final Fantasy VII. I think we'd all like to see a similar library of PS2 gems!

Being a human being, a review

2011-06-23T13:04:00.003-03:00

Clothes: invented by people.

Homo sapiens: man, the wise. The current dominant species on the planet. Top of the food chain and sometimes on top of the mountains in the case of Mt. Everest climbers. So, how are we doing as a species? Instead of reviewing something trifling like a book or a video game, today I'm reviewing the entire of humanity. I'm calling that "how's my driving?" number on the back of our collective asses.

1.) Population and the planet.

"The last tenet was a bit unruly at times..."

At last count, there's over 6 billion people in the world. To put that in perspective, there's around a quadrillion ants in the world. "That's a lot of fucking ants" as my brother said when he asked what a quadrillion was. See, we're outnumbered greatly by a lot of insects which, to anyone who has seen any science fiction ever, is pretty disturbing. And, at the rate that we're destroying our lovely blue-green home with pollution and other things, the fiction of mutated killer insects may become fact. Turns out, humans are fairly poor house-keepers. When that gigantic meteor signed the dinosaurs eviction notice, it didn't give them enough time to tell us how to take care of the place. So we've, understandably, had a bit of hard time figuring out how to turn the washer on and off on our own with no instructions. Most guys can't remember to put the lid down on the toilet, much less remember not to dump toxic waste in the local water supply. But alas, we do the best we can and did create waste management institutions and organizations like the EPA so I'm going to give us a C- there. I should also point out that the fact that we have managed to avoid nuclear holocaust thus far raises that a whole letter grade.

2.) Survival skills, social behavior, and empathy.

"...just not the poor people. They have no money."

I'm going to go out on a limb here and say survival is probably your #1 goal. It would seem that the days of hunting on the forest floor to feed your family is over. Now, we navigate a different jungle and face different predators: like being embarrassed in public over your receding hairline or having to wait in line at the DMV. You know, the real problems that affect our lives. We no longer have to take down a gazelle with a do-it-yourself bow and arrow. We can just drive up to a strangely shaped building and trade some paper with funny pictures on it for food. The stress from being drunk-dialed by your ex at two in the morning when you're trying to get rest for work tomorrow certainly at least matches the stress of being stalked by large jungle cats for days. We became so successful as a species because we formed groups and worked together. However, that brought its own problems. All the little groups decide that they were the best and the others should be dead. Y'know, ethnic cleansing: a national pastime in some African nations...

"You were born to the people that the largest mob and/or government has deemed unclean? Well, sorry I guess I have to kill you. But don't worry, my friends and I will be sure to rape your wife a couple hundred times before you go as a courtesy. Thanks for being born in Sudan! Come again, please."

Think of the last argument you had... what was it over? A TV show? a brand? We all know that McDonald's burgers are so much better than Burger King's. Duh. What, you don't agree? Then fuck you, asshole! Get out of my house! Hey, by the way, do you know how many people starve to death every day? About 13 thousand. A day. Did you enjoy your five meals today? Two of which were prepared for you and put into their own special little containers? There are segments of the population who hate people they've never met because of their race... something you have zero control over. For being selfish children that know how to operates guns our entire lives, we get a D-

3.) Conclusion:

"I've never met you, but I hate you."

The problem with society is not the individual but the people. You can get a group of a hundred people to do what you couldn't ever convince an individual to do. We are hardwired to submit to the mob. It's a survival skill that was necessary to get us this far. However, we discovered the AK-47 before we figured out how to love one another. It's foolish to think that we can completely deny our biology. Ask the Reverend Ted Haggard, a mega-church preacher who got caught up in a gay-sex scandal. Recently, he admitted to being bisexual. You just can't fight some things. I joked about Africa earlier being such a terrible place but why do you think that is? A willingness to submit and go with the flow coupled with the extreme greed and hatred of a few charismatic men. There's a lot of different movements and charitable work going on right now all over the world and that's great... I fully support anyone who wants to dedicate their lives to helping others. I have one question, though: why can't we end hatred, poverty, and oppression here? People nearly starve to death in the richest nation on the planet. Have you thought of how sad that is? Has the thought ever even crossed your mind? Another example: If you're against gay marriage, are you aware that if it were completely legal everywhere in the United States it would have zero effect on your life? What exactly is your stake in this? I have some speculations. It's another way to force your so-called "morality" onto other people and have them live their lives as you dictate. Is it some sort of power-trip? Sounds like it. In some cases, maybe it's just simple, primal hatred. And, of course, tradition and by proxy religion plays a role. It's always been done this way so why change it? Bob Dylan sang "The Times They Are A-Changin'" because he recognized that things actually were changing. We defeated state-sponsored segregation, we had the sexual revolution and our society was drastically changed for the better much to the initial dismay of a lot of folk across the country who cleaved to those old values and old ways of thinking. Society evolves. Attitudes, taboos, and mores change with new generations, technology and ideas and people need to understand this.

It is true that we will probably never defeat the violence in our souls and that, somewhere in the world, there will always be cruelty, death, and injustice. You're not going to defeat human nature. What you can do is be the best damn person you can be and seek your own happiness. I'm probably just going to live out my life, be as happy as possible, and remain apathetic to the overall plight of my species. Humanity gets a D.

Uncovered Documents Reveal that George Soros-funded Leftist Group thinks 'tits' are 'really nice'

2011-06-03T14:27:00.000-03:00

WASHINGTON--Freelance Journalist William Muckraker published on his personal website today documents linking a known left-leaning organization, with ties to billionaire liberal businessman George Soros, to comments made about "tits", otherwise known as "boobies".

The papers indicate strongly that almost all of the organizations employees found "boobies" to be "quite pleasing" and some even went as far as saying they were "probably one of the best things ever."

A recent Reuters poll indicated that about 65% of Americans feel favorably about the human female breast.

Critics of the leftist group claim that their embracing of boobies invites too much government control.

"This is shocking. Radical leftists across the world are moving in unison to embrace the so-called 'boobies'" said Matt Richards, founder of Planet Web Hourly. "These liberals want to control "boobies" under the guise of freedom and impose strict government regulations on them."

Muckraker also discovered that the leftist group has made a $50 donation to President Obama's current re-election bid.

"When you follow the money you also discovered that the President's Socialist regime is also involved," Richards continued. "If we allow this to continue, then you can kiss America as you know it goodbye. Yesterday it was the economy and healthcare, today it's the boobies and tomorrow it will be the rest of your freedoms."

The Obama administration declined to comment.

One Year Later...

2011-05-27T17:34:00.001-03:00

On January 24, 2010, I posted this:

"America is the 90s was a complicated place for video games. It was a time of trivial censorship: such as the renaming of the "Holy" spell in Final Fantasy IV to "White" and the omission of any references to prayer. The Tower of Prayers became Tower of Wishes and Rosa lost her helpful "Pray" command altogether. Mortal Kombat and Doom were turning us all, allegedly, violent little monsters. If things like mentioning prayer in a video game was making peoples heads turn, then there was no way that the first part of Persona 2 (Innocent Sin) would have ever seen the light of day in America. The second chapter (Eternal Punishment) was released; but is so rare that it doesn't even count. But not all is lost..."

I went on to talk about a recently finished fan translation of Persona 2: Innocent Sin. I never checked out the fan translation because, when school started back, I basically forgot about it altogether.

However, on May 24 of this year... I came across this post on the PlayStation Blog: Lost Persona Chapter Persona 2: Innocent Sin Coming to PSP

What?

God, reach your hands down from the clouds and pinch my butt to make sure I'm dreaming! Finally my prayer got through.

I can wait to have a gay relationship and fight Adolf Hitler

Some Questions for Harold Camping

2011-05-22T01:03:00.001-03:00

You knew it was coming.

We've had quite a lot of fun with the 2011 Rapture and I, personally, relished in the all the jokes and even participated actively. I am looking forward to the conclusion to this cultural moment in the coming days. However, I have some fairly serious (not at all) questions about the Rapture for Harold Camping. I look forward to his response (ain't gon' happen).

The Rapture is said to life up all the believers into the air to meet with Jesus. So, Mr. Camping...

1.) What about roofs? Say some guy is driving around in his truck when the Rapture occurs. The roof of the truck, being a solid object, would prevent the man inside from rising into the sky. Will the man just stick the ceiling of his truck until he manages to free himself? Will he be able to even is also a good question? Exactly how much force does God exert on a human body to lift one into the air? Will people simply smash into the ceilings of their homes and eventually be crushed into liquid? This is a serious public safety concern.

2.) What about oxygen deprivation/altitude sickness? Since the Bible doesn't seem to specify the precise height in which the Raptured will meet with Jesus, we can only guess (kind of like how you apparently threw a dart at the calendar to pick this day...) Jets that have lost cabin pressure are supposed to drop down to 10,000 feet so I guess that would be a good place to start. Or does God simply rain down high altitude breathing apparatuses for everyone?

3.) Since when can Jesus fly? I don't remember that part in the gospels. Is that what he's been up to since the Resurrection and ascent into Heaven? Honing his flight skills? Seems reasonable to me. I do feel that that would have been a more useful talent the first go around. Imagine Jesus showering the hungry with food from above. Also would have left zero doubt to the whole "Son of God" question. Either that or the son of Mary and an undisclosed avian third party.

4.) What about the rest of the world? What about the Muslims? Will they get serious dick envy when it turns out their prophet was dead wrong and the Christians were right all along? Do you forsee mass conversions? How will this affect peace in the Middle East? How will this affect oil prices? How will this affect how much one pays for a loaf of bread in China? What about the Jews? Do you hate Jews, Mr. Camping?

For more information see: "attention whore"

Just some very serious (not really) questions for a very serious man. And please don't get all butt-hurt. It's okay to step back and have a nice laugh about the attention-seeking clowns that share a faith with you. Jesus probably thinks all this Rapture nonsense is ridiculous too.

Game design decisions that piss me off.

2010-12-25T03:09:00.005-04:00

Ever been playing a game, even a really good game, and you suddenly--or gradually perhaps--discover something that just annoys you really badly? I've had that experience a few times and I'm sure I'm not alone. Without further ado...

1.) Sandbox, or This Shit is Getting Old

Ladies Man

Pro-tip: If you're going to make your game non-linear, you better give players something extra to do that's at least moderately entertaining or immersive. Don't just say "WELL, THEY CAN DRIVE THEIR CAR ANYWHERE THEY WANT. YEAH! SHIP THIS SHIT!" and let that be the end of it. There has to be something interesting to do. This is a big reason I didn't love Grand Theft Auto IV when everyone else seemed to have a raging boner for it. The story segments of the game were really fun and I enjoyed watching the narrative unfold. However, I didn't enjoy a nagging fucking girl that wanted to go out with me all the time. It was the same pattern: pick up girl, drive to date, go home, maybe get laid. Great. I can tell all my friends that I got Niko Bellic some ass in GTAIV. Can we please get back to the story? The intrigue? The suspense? The plot twists? Sandbox games can be really fun if the secondary content is compelling. However, if its not... then I just find myself bored. How many times can you go on a crazy rampage in Liberty City and be entertained? It's finite, for me.

2.) Playing Rock, Paper, Scissors with Guns (Do not try this at home)

This is one thing that pisses me off about Mass Effect (and other action RPG games). In Deus Ex, I can increase my skill and add modifications to my pistol and make it a very powerful weapon, easier more powerful than a typical assault rifle. I do this because I like handguns and I enjoy using them when I have the option. Plus, ammunition is typical very plentiful. However, games sometimes say "handguns suck, buy a rifle and deal with it." In a game that supposedly offers players freedom of choice, this is especially egregious. Give me a choice and not "M16 beats 9mm and Sniper Rifle beats M16" bullshit. If I want to kill the final boss with a fucking pea shooter make it possible, if not more difficult. Otherwise don't persist in the illusion of open-ended gameplay. Note: this only applies to games like the previously mentioned Mass Effect, Deus Ex, and others like Fallout 3. If your aim is to give players freedom in selecting and managing their equipment (which all of the mentioned games do), go all out and give them a personally tailored experience.

3.) Adding "depth" by including a pointless mini-game(s)

Zidane has made a startling revelation!

Sometimes developers try to add some supposed "depth" to the game by including a mini-game. I think the best example of how to do this best is Final Fantasy VIII's card game, Triple Triad. You collect cards throughout the game and can challenge NPC's to a match anytime. It's a neat little game where you place cards on a 3x3 grid. The object is to capture opponents cards and defend your own. The cards have strength values and some have elements that make them more effective against other elements. The cards you get can later be transformed into helpful items like "Holy War" which makes your party absolutely invincible for a time. However, when Final Fantasy IX tried the card game mechanic, they got it all wrong. There are no rewards whatsoever for playing the game. None. Zip. Nada. It's the same placing cards on a 3x3 grid with each having unique strengths and weaknesses, but the card values are confusing. Instead of simple numerical values, there's letters and number combinations. The game also doesn't fully explain what the hell they mean. Why do this? Ugh. Better question: why include it if it doesn't matter? It's not more entertaining that the main game by any stretch of the imagination. At least with the system from FFVIII I can later benefit from the mini-game by getting really good items.

Happy Holidays, everyone!

Sarah Palin & Dessert, or Let Them Eat Cake

2010-12-23T00:07:00.001-04:00

Sarah Palin wants the government to stay the hell out of our business. Especially when it comes to nutrition. On her TV program, a strange reality type program, she took a shot at Michelle Obama’s efforts to curb childhood obesity by saying something to the effect of “Michelle Obama doesn’t think you should have dessert”. First of all, that is factually inaccurate. She said children shouldn’t have dessert with every meal. That’s an important distinction. Secondly, her arguments for why the government shouldn’t be in charge with nutrition are a little odd.

GIMME SOME CAKE!!!!!!!

The idea I hear espoused all the time is LET THE PARENTS DECIDE what their children eat. That sounds good when you say it, I’ll concede that. A big helpin’ of American freedom; covered in bacon and cheese, no doubt. However, how would that be implemented? No one has yet to give us their plan... at least I haven’t heard any plan put forward. How would parents do this? From their iPhones? I know when I was in school, my parents sometimes, though rarely, decided what I ate for the day by forgetting to give me any money for food. But wait, aren’t these parents the ones stuffing their children with food and allowing them to sit in front of the TV all day anyway? It’s certainly not the schools. It’s almost impossible to overeat in a school lunch room. Theoretically, you COULD spend all your money and buy 10 bags of chips, flushing it all down with five Mountain Dews everyday if you felt so inclined. I’m not sure who would actually do that, though. If these people are fattening up their children like livestock in the first place why would they be the the best people to consult about what their children eat at school?

This seems to me another paranoid attempt by the right to portray the government as some sort of invader of your personal freedoms. Let me temper that by saying that I do believe the government sometimes DOES invade our personal freedoms: the PATRIOT act, the TSA crotch grabbing scandal, and, of course, the ever-growing fight on Net Neutrality, copyright issues, etc. There’s a difference between REAL government overreach and paranoid, Glenn Beck-style government overreach. Here’s how you tell the difference: if anyone disparages the government and, at any point, calls our current President a socialist or a “commie”, odds are they don’t have much useful to add to the debate.

More Apple Fail!

2010-12-20T03:27:00.000-04:00

Who needs misteltoe? Who needs a competent web designer? :p

iTunes: A quick guide.

2010-12-17T18:57:00.000-04:00

Welcome to iTunes. Best media player ever!

"iTunes is a free application for your Mac or PC. It organizes and plays your digital music and video on your computer. It keeps all your content in sync. And it’s a store on your computer, iPod touch, iPhone, iPad, and Apple TV that has everything you need to be entertained. Anywhere. Anytime."

It's so good that it's currently on version 10... and it STILL HASN'T ADDED ANY FORM OF MEDIA MONITORING. Let me give you an example:

Let's say I get a spat of OCD one day after watching Monk and I decide I want to organize my music folder. I added a bunch of mp3 files to iTunes when I started using the application that I had already ripped onto my computer. So I move files around and organize them by artist, album, etc. I go back to iTunes and play a song...

Whoops! It seems that iTunes is fucking retarded and needs to know exactly where every media file is located. It can't track certain folders automatically and reflect any changes I make to my media library manually. Nope. Why do that?

OK, open Windows Media Player. Play a song. Then, go to your music folder and move it to some other location. Drop it on the desktop, whatever. Now, hit F3 (or go to File, Add to Library). You get this:

What a novel concept. If you add the Desktop to a monitored location then any media stored on the Desktop will be updated automatically to reflect changes.

To my knowledge, this feature has been around definitely since at least four or five years ago, when I first started actively keeping a music library. iTunes was probably in version 7 or so then. Why haven't they implemented a media tracking feature in their media playing application yet? Because they don't want to copy Microsoft?

Zune Social: Launch date: November 2007
iTunes Ping: Launch date: September 1, 2010

Well never mind. That can't be it.

Let me show you another reason why iTunes is so awesome.

I added The Gallery into iTunes and it looked like this. For some reason, it seems to think that Dark Tranquility released the album three times and twice with only one track.

I added The Gallery into Windows Media Player and it looks like this:

Hey, look! One album. That's how I remembered it.

In closing, use iTunes as little as possible. It's a child. It always wants its way and gets mad at you if you don't listen to it.

No.

Combating Terrorism

2010-12-07T04:11:00.000-04:00

Counter-Strike in real life

Since 9/11, a lot has been done to fight "the terrorists": more security at airports, the PATRIOT act, freedom fries, and--of course--the "War on Terror".

I bring this up because just the other day I had a thought. An experience in high school that I had forgotten about. I discovered in my junior year of high school why this whole "War on Terror" will likely bring about no real victory.

In 2005, I had two computer classes back to back: Programming I and Applications II. In those classes, I killed boredom by browsing Wikipedia, posting on web forums, editing images, and an occasional flash game (White Room was one of my favorites) after I had completed my work. Most everyone else played flash games and browsed the web while they were doing their work... and, sure enough, one by one the flash game sites fell to IP blocks. MySpace soon followed (remember, this was 2005).

Necessity breeds invention. It also breeds intuition. Soon, students discovered web proxies that allowed them to bypass these IP blocks and get to the content they wanted to access. We had won.

Not quite. Soon, the network administrators began blocking web proxies. When one went down, the students found another. However, it was useless. As soon as the traffic got heavy enough, the banhammer fell. This wasn't a problem for me, though. I could do without the flash games and MySpace when I was at school. I was content with my forum and my Wikipedia.

The US Government has taken the same type of reaction to the terrorist threat against this country. As George Carlin reflects in his tirade on airport security on the album "You Are All Diseased" (Video), in the pre-9/11 world, you could carry box cutters on a plane. No problem. That changed quickly. Airport security has become reactionary. The terrorists started using non-metallic bombs and the TSA started subjecting people to their infamous "pat-downs". The fact of the matter is, if someone wants to get a weapon on a plane, they'll find a way to do it. They'll find a new weapon that the TSA isn't ready for. They always have and they always will. They're probably working on pocket blaster pistols right now. (Joke. We're years away from Star Wars.)

The best way to fight "terrorism" is at an information level. Espionage. We need more James Bond types. Stopping plots before they come to fruition is the best--and probably only--way to prevent terror attacks. You can't do it at the airport. If they get to the airports, we have failed. Every now and then you'll hear about a foiled terror plot on the news. That's a real success. The aggressive measures taken by the TSA are not only an attack on your liberties (See Fourth Amendment), but totally unnecessary. The people who suffer from these limitations and arbitrary encroachments on personal freedom are the citizens.

Eventually, the forum that two of my friends and myself were active on got blocked by the school network. We were in no way violating the class rules and we always made sure to complete all of our work before we accessed the site. We also made sure to not use any foul language so we wouldn't trigger any profanity filters. I even remember Wikipedia being blocked for a few days because of traffic. So you know what we did? We went elsewhere. Somewhere the content restrictions hadn't touched yet. We're a resourceful race and it's the reason we dominate this planet. We made the system. It's naive to think that we can't get around it.

Best Android Apps

2010-12-06T00:01:00.001-04:00

Many who have used the Android Marketplace know that it's sometimes a little difficult to find things. Especially if they're not very popular or well-known. With Amazon's plans to launch their own Android app store, it's an almost certainty that the Android Market will see a revision soon. However, until then, here's some of my favorite apps that I've discovered during the past year.

Tajm

A simple clock widget that displays the current time in text strings instead of numeric values. That's really all there is to it. You can change the color and what information is displayed. It's pretty cool.

LauncherPro

"Launcher" is an easier way to say user interface (well, actually UI is...) The stock Android launcher gets the job done, for sure. Other companies have also created their own launchers, like HTC's SenseUI. However, some people want more out of their phone. For those people, I'd highly recommend LauncherPro. It provides new icons, customization options, and very well designed built-in widgets. You get all the basics for free; but if you want the widgets and increased customization, you can pay $2.99 to the developer to unlock the extra features. Why can't you do this through the Marketplace? Well, the developer lives in a country where you can't charge for apps. Payment is handled through Paypal. It's well worth it! (link to LP website)

Handcent SMS

A SMS client with robust customization. You can modify almost everything about how you read and reply to text messages. For example, you can choose colors for the message bubbles, adjust the size of the font, customize notifications (different icons on the status bar for different people), and even set a custom background to display the conversation on. The developer also offers themes if you register on their website. I currently have a space theme with planet Earth and blue/black message bubbles. Looks great. Also, it's all free. (website)

Music PlayerPro

Despite the pretty banal name, nothing is banal about this app. Once again, you have to pay for it (though a trial period is available), but it's hands down the best music player I've found on Android. It automatically downloads missing artwork and photos of bands and musicians for the artist view. To give you an idea of how awesome this is, I had a Street Fighter II song in my music library that wasn't labeled. From the application, you can edit title, album, artist, etc. I put "Capcom" as the artist and, almost immediately, a Capcom logo was displayed for the artist view. For those who are ADD about their music libraries, this is really cool. You can also customize the way the player itself looks with skins that come with the app and it has a huge options menu that you can tweak to your liking. Only complaint I have about the app is that sometimes you have to manually refresh the "mediastore", which is basically your library of music, after you add new songs. Very minor complaint. Very. Link!

twicca

My Twitter client of choice is twicca. A crisp, clean UI is one of the main draws for me. Simply selecting a tweet gives you the option to reply, quote and reply, retweet, go to the user's profile, follow any links posted with the tweet or hash tags (#likethis), favorite, and manage the user (lists, etc.) It also seems to refresh and load tweets faster than the official Twitter app and TweetDeck. It makes being a Twittard easy. Also, the option to color-code different people you follow is a nice touch. Completely free, btw. Linkage

DroidIris

I love Cooliris. Cooliris is a browser extension (available for IE, Firefox, Chrome, Safari, and more) that turns a simple photo search into an interactive experience. Using whatever search engine your prefer, it grabs all the images that come up and displays them in lines that you can use your mouse to slide and zoom through. DroidIris is essentially a mobile version of Cooliris. The touch controls work just as you'd expect them to: drag to see more images, pinch to zoom, tap to select. It's just awesome. You'll feel like you're in Minority Report, flinging pictures all over a screen like Tom Cruise. Link-tastic

That's all for now. I'll post more interesting apps as I find them. Hope you enjoyed. :D

The State vs. Video Games!

2010-10-28T17:43:00.002-03:00

USA Today's cover story (today, full text here) was concerning the continuing violent video game drama in California. You should probably read it before going any further.

You're going to let this guy in a courtroom?

The most troubling part of the article is the way the accusers (primarily the contested bills author Sen. Leland Yee, D.) exaggerate the violence in video games. They do this by citing Postal 2 as their chief example... Yeah, we're going there. In the entire article the ONLY video game mentioned by Leland Yee's camp is, in fact, Postal 2. The Postal series is not representative of the state of violence in gaming. The Postal series is a joke. It's a sideshow. It's got a level of respectable (and sometimes brilliant) satire, true. However, that's obviously not the focal point of the experience. People who decry Postal and the violence in video games are missing the point. They call this technique selection bias.

Digging deeper into the article, something else disturbing reveals itself. The anti-video game crowd attempts to bolster their claims with statistics. Of course, I found no mention of the specific studies in the article. However, the online version (the one I linked to earlier, I read the print version) contained a link to one such study. If you read the first two paragraphs and set it down, you may agree with Senator Yee. However, if you read the entire article, it's likely that you won't be convinced. Here's the first two brief paragraphs in their entirety:

A new review of 130 studies "strongly suggests" playing violent video games increases aggressive thoughts and behavior and decreases empathy.

The results hold "regardless of research design, gender, age or culture," says lead researcher Craig Anderson, who directs the Center for the Study of Violence at Iowa State University in Ames. (link here)

Sounds compelling, yes? Well continue reading the article and you get this:

But Christopher Ferguson, an associate professor at Texas A&M International University in Laredo, says in a critique accompanying the study that the effects found "are generally very low." He adds that the analysis "contains numerous flaws," which he says result in "overestimating the influence" of violent games on aggression.

Ferguson says his own study of 603 predominantly Hispanic young people, published last year in The Journal of Pediatrics, found "delinquent peer influences, antisocial personality traits, depression, and parents/guardians who use psychological abuse" were consistent risk factors for youth violence and aggression. But he also found that neighborhood quality, parents' domestic violence and exposure to violent TV or video games "were not predictive of youth violence and aggression."

That's the best they got? Flawed methodology? Weak correlations that may not ever exist? That is all these anti-video game violence movement has always had. They've always been flying in the face of science and reason. Ever since Mortal Kombat... the game that, supposedly, stole away the innocence of so many victimized children. Now, the study did contain a cultural bias, note the words "predominately Hispanic". I'm not convinced that it in any way affected its integrity

And even the statistics that "strongly" support video game violence leading to aggression turn out to be... well... not so strong after all:

Anderson says his team "never said it's a huge effect. But if you look at known risk factors for the development of aggression and violence, some are bigger than media violence and some are smaller...

Smaller than say "delinquent peer influences, antisocial personality traits, depression, and parents/guardians who use psychological abuse" as noted by Ferguson earlier in the article? Yeah.

"...If you have a child with no other risk factors for aggression and violence and if you allow them to suddenly start playing video games five hours to 10 hours a week, they're not going to become a school shooter. One risk factor doesn't do it by itself."

The proponents of the anti-video game campaign would like you to think otherwise. Ironically, their own statistics work against them.

But he notes that video game violence is "the only causal risk factor that is relatively easy for parents to do something about."

These guys get to decide.

Which is why this debate is completely pointless. The State does not need to be involved. Parents get to decide what is suitable for their child. The video game industry has a self-regulating rating system that aids parents in finding suitable video games for their children. You legally cannot purchase a video game rated "M" (Mature) unless you are 17 years old or older. I was denied sale of God of War II (a "M" rated game) when I was 18 because I had accidentally left my ID at home. It is enforced.

The use of misleading words like "strongly suggests" in the Anderson study gives people like Yee the ammo they need to win rhetorical bouts. However, the strong suggestion that Anderson makes is akin to seeing someone soaked from head to toe "strongly suggests" that they jumped in a lake.

Mega Man: Mass Murderer

I found a common theme in both Anderson (from the "New analysis reasserts..." article) and Yee's comments. Both claim that even though games are rated and regulated, games rated "E" (Everyone) still contain violent content. Yes, they may. I've blown up thousands of robots in Mega Man games. Is this violence realistic? persuasive? Of course not. Violence ABOUNDS in children's literature. Even fairy tales! Lest we forget the Big Bad Wolf eats Grandma and attempts to consume Little Red Riding Hood. Nor should we forget that the kind hunter cuts the wolf open and rescues an unharmed Grandma from its belly. Or, since this is America, how about the Bible? Remember the Flood? That was only the complete destruction of the known world and the death of every living thing that was on Noah's Ark? Or perhaps the story of Sodom and Gomorrah in which God personally decimates two cities, sans one family. This is the kind of stuff I was taught when I was growing up. I read Harry Potter. I read about the Basilisk tearing through Harry Potter's arm with its fangs. I read the Redwall series in elementary school and can clearly remember Constance the Badger tossing an unlucky rat from the top of Redwall, crushing his bones. I've killed my fair share of police officers in Grand Theft Auto. I'm decapitated zombies in Resident Evil with a shotgun. I'm killed hundreds of Nazis in Call of Duty. I played all these games in some shape or form before I was a freshman in High School. I'm not a violent person. Most people aren't.

What is the real problem here? Perhaps it the variety of risk factors that Ferguson mentioned. He certainly has evidence on his side. Whatever the problem may be, it certainly isn't violent video games. It wasn't in 1994 when the ESRB was founded and it's not in 2010. We cannot allow our state governments to arbitrarily decide what is acceptable and what is not when it comes to a First Amendment issue.

----------------

Image of parents and child from Daily Mail online (link here)
Capcom images are property of their respective owners. All rights reserved.

Torchlight (Impressions)

2010-10-27T02:53:00.000-03:00

Need something to tide you over until Diablo III is released? How about Torchlight? You've probably at least seen it if you actively use Steam (they ran some sort of promotion recently, I believe). It's a action RPG modeled after dungeon crawlers like Diablo. If you're familiar with the genre at all, you know what to expect. You pick a character class and explore dungeons, caves, etc., killing monsters, loading up on treasure, and developing your character with the experience you earn. The game was crafted by Runic Games: founded by Fate (another excellent game in the genre) creator Travis Baldree and Diablo architects Max Schaefer and Erich Schaefer. And boy is it good!

The game features three class: Destroyer (male, warrior type), Vanquisher (female, ranged type), and Alchemist (male, mage type). Each class has three talent trees, allowing a customizable build. I, naturally, played the Alchemist. You can tailor your Alchemist to focus on offensive spells, summoning minions, or just straight up punching people in the face... with magic, of course. Or, better yet, you can mix and match! It's up to you. You have limited skill points. Therefore, forethought is required.

Graphically, the game is cartoony. However, it looks great. World of Warcraft-esque. The town of Torchlight is dark and a bit grim and foreboding. And it's a bit violent. Some enemies will explode in a shower of cartoon blood if you hit them hard enough. The music is good. It nostalgically recalls the music in Diablo. It's especially noticeable in the town's theme and some of the sound effects, for example: the town portal scroll. It's a really nice touch.

Each character gets a pet! Either a cat or a dog. I don't know if there's more options in the main game or not. Your pet helps you fight, takes items you don't want to town to sell them so you can keep pressing into the dungeon, and can equip some items and even learn spells. You can also feed him/her. Aw... It's good to have a companion!

The games interface is familiar and easy to navigate. That's all that can really be said. If you remember your hotkeys from Diablo II or even WoW, some are the same. Pressing "Q" will still bring up your quest log.

Thus, is Torchlight. Familiar, yet new. I'm having a lot of fun so far. In closing, Torchlight II has been announced along with a proposed MMO based in the universe. Good luck, Runic Games! It's a brave new world out there!

Now, if you'll excuse me... I need to sleep.

Seriously Valve?

2010-10-18T00:40:00.000-03:00

So, I was installing one of my personal favorite games, Half-Life 2, on my laptop. It has a shitty onboard graphics card, but it’s plenty enough to run the game. I re-downloaded the game through Steam because it’s convenient, as my brother would say, “as a mother-fucker”. Once it’s finished, I start playing the game. I hear G-Man’s “Wake up, Mr. Freeman” speech and the game begins...

I start getting graphical bugs. No problem, says I. I don’t have a great video card... some tweaking should solve this problem. I force it to run under DirectX7 shaders (by entering “-dxlevel70“ in Steam’s advanced launch options) and, voila! problem solved...

...Not really. Anytime Combine soldiers opened fire at me, the game crashed. Even when I shot at them first, crash and bun. Generic “hl2 has stopped working” error (in Vista, btw). How the fuck are you supposed to play a first person SHOOTER if you can’t even SHOOT?!

Recently, HL2 was updated for the Mac release. Before this release, Half-Life 2 worked just fine for me. I understand that I’m running a pretty graphical intensive game on a pretty bad graphics card... but it was totally playable last year. I check some forums to see if anyone else is having problems with the new build... They are.

I don’t know about you, but I can’t live without Half-Life 2. I can’t. Oxygen, Food, Water, Half-Life 2.

I was about to eat a shotgun for lunch, when I decided to try one more thing: download a non-Steam version of the game. After finding a suitable torrent, I download and installed... I nervously click on “NEW GAME”.......

Works like a charm.

What the fuck, Valve? I had to pirate a game I already owned to make it run on my machine. Yes, I do own it:

I understand that opening up, arguably, your finest game to Mac users is a good move... More well deserved cash in your pockets. And I’m sure these new bugs will eventually be eradicated and maybe a future build will be more stable on older, shittier machines. I also understand that updates are necessary to keep an older product exciting. You did add achievements to HL2 (and HL2: Episode 1, Episode 2 already had ‘em) and probably corrected some old bugs. Hell, you may have even added some new textures and updated the graphics a bit. But what the fuck?

If any of the high-ups in Valve read this, please listen. My Steam username is johnnypalooza. I bought the retail version of HL2 for PC in 2006 or maybe 2007 and my product key is registered. I also own the digital version of the original Half-Life. But, I had to pirate a copy of your undisputed masterpiece so I could play it again. I’m sorry. :D

Wait... no I’m not. I wasted a whole goddamn day trying to fix this. And I was sick to boot! Go fuck yourself.

Just kidding.

Top 10 Horror Films (Part 1)

2010-03-25T21:02:00.003-03:00

I used to avoid horror films as a child. I was easily frightened, apparently. Boy, that sure has changed. I think it probably had something to do with my huge interest in survival horror games. As I slowly overcame my fears of "scary" video games, so did the fear of horror films disappear as well. Or maybe I just grew up a little. Either way, horror films are among some of my favorites. This calls for a Top 10 list!

10. The Devil's Backbone

Guillermo del Toro directed this one in 2001. Though he's much better know for the Hellboy films and the excellent Pan's Labyrinth, The Devil's Backbone is an impressive work. The film takes place in a orphanage during the Spanish Civil War. Our hero, the young Carlos, is haunted by the ghost of a fellow orphan, Santi. The villain, Jacinto, is brilliant portrayed by the infinitely talented Eduardo Noriega. It's a tense, masterful work. The atmosphere del Toro creates with his shots, the underbelly of the orphanage, the doomed landscapes that surround it, and the story that unfolds, and everything else is wonderfully crafted. If you haven't seen this one, which is likely, please do.

9. Hatchet

Hatchet is an exceptionally violent, exceptionally awesome horror film. Directed by Adam Green, you won't soon forget this film. It's gruesome, funny, and made by people who love the genre. Consider a scene where a large chunk of a character's body (including the entire neck and head) is hacked off by a hatchet. I counted about 11 swings. Or perhaps one where a sander is applied to a characters face. Or maybe that time when that old lady gets her entire head ripped in half... Yeah, I'm spoiling this for you aren't I? Just watch it.

Honorable Mention: The Tripper

"On 4.20, Hippie Blood Will Trickle Down" - Film tagline

The Tripper is directed by David Arquette. It features a psychopathic, Ronald Reagen obsessed maniac killing hippies. Do I have to say more? Didn't think so...

8. The Descent

Neil Marshall's second film, The Descent, is one of the most engaging and tense films I've ever seen. The film concerns a group of women who go spelunking in an unknown cave system. Once instead, they become lost and strange things begin to happen. It's claustrophobic, maddening, and nail-biting throughout its entire running time. However, make sure you watch the film's true ending. It was, for some reason, changed in the American theatrical run. I think the DVD that you can buy/rent now has the better ending. It's also not spelled out for the viewer and you get to decide what the ending means. A great film.

7. The Evil Dead

The Sam Raimi classic we all know and love! The Evil Dead is significant in my book for having a tree rape someone. Also, we have this film to thank for the introduction of Bruce Campbell into our collective unconsciousness. It's horrifying and a whole lot of fun. It also has a particular distinction of being one of the only horror film trilogies in which all of the sequels are great films as well, if extremely different. The film's plot follows a group of friends who visit a cabin in the-middle-of-nowhere and accidentally awaken demons. After this film, that should be a legitimate concern for people vacationing in isolated cabins.

6. Alien

The first film in the Alien franchise is visceral and throughly terrifying. So much is going on in its images that it begs multiple viewings. It's dark, foreboding, and immaculately paced. On the surface, it's the struggle to survive. Underneath that, the cornucopia of sexual imagery appeals to our senses. I didn't fully understand why the initial facehugger attack made me so uneasy until I got older and became a more perceptive viewer. Also, it's got my vote for the singular most frightening scene of all time: the "chestburster" scene. I don't think I was the same person after I saw that. An incredible horror and sci-fi classic.

That's all for now! Stay with me for part 2! Coming soon! :D

Top 10 Final Fantasy Summons/Espers/Eidolons/GFs/Aeons/Whatever!

2010-03-23T00:31:00.004-03:00

In the Final Fantasy games, you get access to powerful super beings that you can summon to mop up your enemies. They are usually called summon magic, espers, or eidolons. These beings are usually based upon lore of many different varieties. Thus, every time I pass copies of "The Epic of Gilgamesh" in bookstores I'm tempted to buy it. Also, if not for Final Fantasy, I'd probably never know how disgusting a carbuncle looks... Thanks, much Square-Enix. Good enough introduction? I thought so. On to the list...

10. Carbuncle

Make sure you never type in "carbuncle" in a Google image search without any modifiers. You'll get lots of gruesome pictures of "carbuncles", which is a type of skin disease. Who knew? Who the hell names these diseases anyway? The Carbuncle we're talking about here is an extremely cute little being that casts Reflect on your party. Carbuncle comes from an ancient term for a cut garnet. There is also mention of a creature called "Carbuncle" in the "Book of Imaginary Beings" by Jorge Louis Borges: described as a creature with some sort of jewel in its head.

9. Ifrit

Ifrit's basis is the infernal genies (or Djinn) of Arabic myth. They are described as strong and cunning and are associated with fire. So, naturally, Ifrit is usually depicted as very muscled and obliterates the field with fire... Or even a meteor. Anything that's hot and explosive. Ifrit is usually among some of the first summon creatures you have access to in a typical Final Fantasy game. Thus, we all share a deep bond with this blazing genie.

8. Shiva

Oh, Shiva. The sexy ice summon that we usually cast over and over again until our MP is depleted just to see her. Unless we're talking FFVIII... My Shiva had 1,000 (the maximum) compatibility with Squall in a few hours. I could summon her in close to one second. She's also an early game summon. Shiva is drawn from the Hindu god of destruction of the same name. The deity Shiva is said to represent duality and thus it's perfectly reasonable to say that, although he's usually depicted as male, Shiva can also be represented as a female. Other stories about Shiva include a tale about him drinking a poison from the world's oceans that turned his neck blue. All depictions of Shiva in FF games have the creature an icy blue. Shiva is also told to have "matted" hair. In Final Fantasy X, the Shiva Aeon does indeed appear to have either matted or perhaps extremely braided hair: possessing several long, flowing dreadlocks. That's about it for similarities, though.

7. Phoenix

Phoenix isn't as common in the series as some of the others, but when he does appear... It's always very good. The Phoenix summon will usually revive fallen party members while dealing fire damage to your enemies. What's NOT awesome about that? I'll tell you what: nothing. Phoenix comes from Persian mythology originally and is depicted as a bird with beautiful gold and red plumage that, once ever 500 or 1,000 years, dies and is reborn again. The phoenix is also part of Egyptian and Chinese myths. You've seen the Harry Potter films so you know exactly what I'm talking about.

6. Ramuh

Ramuh has a particularly noteworthy distinction of being one of the very few summon creatures to play a direct role in the storyline of some of the games. In FFVI, he helps the party find and explain what is happening to main character Terra. Also, in FFIX, Ramuh helps Dagger get back her summoning ability and becomes her first eidolon. Pretty cool, huh? Always depicted as an old man with a long white beard, Ramuh commands thunder and lightning. His basis is, again, Hindu beliefs. The deity Indra is the king of the gods (Devas) and reigns over war, storm, and rainfall.

5. Odin

Odin is a very common FF summon. He's almost always depicted as demonic knight riding a horse (usually with six legs) and deals instant death to enemies he's used against. Odin is named after the principal god of Norse myth: god of wisdom, war, poetry, battle, and other things. Need I say more? A badass summon based on a badass god.

Honorable Mention: Gilgamesh

Gilgamesh is... well, complicated. He has only been a "summon" one and a half times (If you really want to know how I calculated that math... I'll gladly tell you if you leave a comment...). So, I didn't include him in the list. However, he's so damn cool that I had to put him in somewhere. There was probably an ancient Mesopotamian king called Gilgamesh, ruing the ancient Sumer city of Uruk around 2700 B.C.E. However, that's the least interesting version. The interesting one is said to have been two parts god and one part man. "The Epic of Gilgamesh" chronicles his exploits with his sidekick Enkidu to anger the gods, having become bored with his rule. Gilgamesh is usually portrayed as some sort of rogue that seeks powerful swords. The party is usually able to steal powerful "Genji" equipment from him.

4. Anima

Did this thing seriously freak you out or what? Don't lie. If you said no, you're lying. Anima is the most interesting Aeons in Final Fantasy X and one of the best in a Final Fantasy game period. It's origins lie in both ancient Roman beliefs and in Jungian psychology. The ancient Romans believed that the "anima" was associated with the heart. When one died, their anima would leave their chest through their final breath. Carl Jung said the anima was the subconscious collection of female qualities that reside in all males, influenced by their mothers and perhaps also their sisters, aunts, etc. This is interesting because, in Final Fantasy X, Anima was created from the mother of her summoner, Seymour. For a more in depth discussion of Carl Jung and FFX click here.

Also, check this Youtube vid of Anima being summoned for a more thorough "freaking out":

3. Bahamut

"The Dragon King" as he's known this is usually the summon that most fans point to as their favorite. He's always powerful, his attack animation is always awesome, and he's a dragon. What more could you want? Bahamut is based on Arabic myth. It's first depiction was that of a giant fish which carried a giant bull with 4,000 eyes on its back, which carried a mountain of ruby on its back, which carried six hells and seven heavens, which contains Glenn Beck's sanity. Nah, just kidding about that last part. Another Arabic supposedly does depict Bahamut as a dragon. I'm not sure about this, though. Usually, Bahamut has to be defeated for the party to gain access to his powers. Bahamut was so popular that there are currently FOUR different versions of him in Final Fantasy VII canon: Bahamut, Neo-Bahamut, Bahamut ZERO, and Bahamut Sin. Wow.

2. Knights of the Round

Oh, what hell one had to endure to get Knights of the Round. The only way to do was to either breed a Gold chocobo (with little instruction on how to do so if you wasn't using a guide) or to defeat Emerald Weapon... an optional boss with one million HP to get a Master Materia set from the Traveler at Kalm. Either way, this summon is worth it. It summons thirteen knights that attack in turn, the final blow being struck by--obviously--King Arthur himself with Excalibur. It looks incredible, it's highly damaging, and it's a status symbol. Having Knights of the Round means that you've pretty much mastered Final Fantasy VII, the only game where it appears.

And... without further ado... I give you my number one summoned creature in the Final Fantasy games:

1. Alexander

Alexander is a gigantic death fortress. It's depicted as a massive castle shaped structure with a head in the center and two large "arms" that it moves with (and sometimes fires its weapons with). It's deals holy damage and is sometimes the party's only source of holy damage. Alexander is a common male name (and my favorite male name at that.) It means "protector or man" or "to push back". It plays a key role in FFIX where it is summoned to stave of Bahamut, who is sieging Alexandria (coincidence?) castle. You can see the clip here. That FMV alone is enough to top my list. It's attack animations are also always fantastic. I was glad to see Alexander utilized in FFXIII. Really glad!

So that does it for my Top 10 Summons/Espers/Eidolons/GFs/Aeons/Whatever! List. I hope you enjoyed it.

I Like Hope

2010-03-22T02:12:00.008-03:00

Quick warning here: possible FFXIII story spoilers ahead.

"So far Hope is my least favorite girl in the game".... "Hes such a frickin cry baby. I want him to die.".... "...Hes just pathetic. I wouldnt be as bad if he wasnt a little Ahole mommas boy. But to be that and a useless little cry baby. Hes just wants to be hated"

Just a sample of forum posts I found relating to the character of Hope Estheim in "Final Fantasy XIII". I wonder why people don't like him so much? Sure, he complains from time to time but who doesn't? I don't even think he is a particularly egregious whiner... certainly not by Final Fantasy standards (Edward the bard, anyone?) So what gives? Why do people hate Hope?

Now, given, I haven't completed FFXIII yet. School currently possesses the deed to my soul. However, I'm about 11 hours in and I've came to regard Hope as almost my very favorite character. Some background information on Hope is that he's 14 years old and, along with his mother, was part of the Sanctum's Purge event that happens at the beginning of the game. Hope's character is the type of character that is pulled into a conflict he wanted no part in. He's unwilling, for the most part, forced into being an enemy of the Sanctum by being branded an l'Cie (one chosen by a fal'Cie to complete a particular goal). He feels that the other characters pushed him into this situation and, at first, deflects all blame to others and refuses to take any for himself. He harbors a particularly strong grudge against the character Snow who, in his view, is responsible for the death of his mother. He's certainly not a cheerful character (Vanille is cheerful to the point of parody). He's not a particular strong character in some respects. But as the game progresses, he begins to grow stronger. (Note: when I say he isn't a very strong character, I'm referring to his place in the game's story and not commenting on his usefulness in battle.) He even takes the lead at one point in the story, fighting in front of Lightning: resident badass of the game. So far as I've seen, Hope has began to change. I'm certain that he will continue to.

His actions seem completely plausible in response to his mother dying before his eyes and him being swept up into a conflict he didn't choose to be placed in. It's not very over the top or overwrought. So, I ask again, what gives? Would you rather have Edward? Or perhaps *shudder* Vaan? Compared to those two, does Hope's crimes seem so heavy?

I have a hypothesis. I think that Hope is hated in the exact same way Raiden is hated in the Metal Gear Solid series. Raiden, for those unfamiliar, is the name of the protagonist in the sequel to Metal Gear Solid: Metal Gear Solid 2: Sons of Liberty. He's a huge departure from the series' hero: Snake. While an effective soldier, he's noticeably more feminine than Snake in appearance. He's also a little less sure of himself. He doesn't bleed testosterone. Raiden's taking-over as the main character in MGS2 was a CLOSELY guarded secret. I don't think we figured out until we actually played the game. And the shock was great... Western gamers disliked Raiden because he wasn't an apparent badass. He talked about what was bothering him more openly that Snake did. Perhaps Western gamers dislike Hope because he's not a ripped, manly, bullet-sash-wearing type character that doesn't oft talk about his personal issues. I'm not saying that those characters aren't good characters, far from it. A good story can't be populated by just one type of character. You have to have variety. If you don't, congratulations: you've made something very uninteresting.

So, I remain unconvinced that Hope is the annoying character that he is made out to be. He has a heavy burden he's trying to deal with. Consider the scene where he draws the dagger given to him by Lightning and ponders it. It's his "to be, or not to be" moment. It's a great scene. He doesn't bottle his emotions. He also doesn't throw them all out at once.

Plus, his Eidolon is Alexander. Always a favorite of mine.

Peter Molyneux Shouldn't Worry...

2010-03-19T18:05:00.000-03:00

Just read an article on G4 about Peter Molyneux's "Fable III" and how he was "worried" that since the first half-hour of his game has no combat:

"There is no combat because it is so dramatic, and that drama has little room full combat"

I'm assuming he meant to write "for". Either way, it doesn't really matter. Sorry to point that out, Peter. My peers and myself grind each other over errors we make in our writing all the time. Even informal writing like Facebook updates. But, more to the point: Bravo, Mr. Molyneux! I agree. I hear complaints all the time about story elements in video games constantly. Especially, lately. The most recent example being Final Fantasy XIII. I've heard the game described as an "interactive movie" because of its presentation and linearity. To which I respond with a resounding:

So?

Can someone please tell me what is so terrible about a video game establishing an atmosphere and telling a story? I'd also love to know what is so gut-wrenchingly awful about linear games.

You know what video games that stick out the most in my mind? The games that I invest myself into. The games where I develop feelings and familiarity with the characters. I still remember the pain I felt when Argo fell into that chasm at the end of "Shadow of the Colossus". I remember the shock and utter disgust as I watched Aeris fall to Sephiroth's sword in "Final Fantasy VII" I remember the overwhelming sadness that came over me when Naomi examines Snake's frail body in "Metal Gear Solid 4". All three of those games work overtime to pull you in and personally involve you with the story. What is negative about that? I'll never know.

Here's an even better question: why do people criticize linear games. I remember hearing an "Uncharted 2: Among Thieves" review that complained about it being a linear game. Curious, I just did a Google search on "Uncharted 2 linear" and I started reading through relevant forum posts that showed up in the search... and here's what I have to report:

Step 1: Face. Step 2: Palm.

"Uncharted 2: Among Thieves" is linear because it's required to be linear. The game WOULD NOT have worked in a non-linear, sandbox, GTA rip-off style. In it's current form, it's a tightly paced action-adventure game with gorgeous cinematics balanced perfectly with great gameplay. The cutscenes are never too long. How would this game benefit from sandbox gameplay? Am I alone in this sentiment?

So worry not, Peter Molyneux. The people who love video games that are expertly crafted, wonderfully presented, and very fun will most likely purchase "Fable III". We'll keep you in business.

Final Fantasy Tactics Advance

2010-03-18T16:01:00.000-03:00

I remember it vividly (hooray for cliché openings...). The day I got my first Gameboy Advance SP. The first game I bought for it was Final Fantasy Tactics Advance. I remember getting back into my father's car and putting the game into the console... *click* went the on switch as I pushed it up...

...and I saw this.

This game was perfect for me. It's story was so beautiful. It dealt with issues that I was facing at the time, being a public school student. Stuff like teasing, problems at home, and friendship. It was the perfect escape. In fact, the entire game is actually an escapist fantasy: one character accidentally uses a magic book to change the entire world. In the real world, he's picked on constantly. He misses his deceased mother greatly and his father has had many problems ever since her passing. However, in Ivalice, he's the prince, his mother is the Queen, and his dad is the powerful Judgemaster. Doned, the protagonist Marche's wheelchair-striken, sickly brother, is not ill in this new world and doesn't want to return.

The game looked beautiful. The battle maps were highly detailed, the character models looked great, the hand-drawn style character portraits were enticing. Half of the fun of FFTA was just looking at the game. I mean, look at this illustration. Ryomo Ito's character designs are incredible. The detail, the specific color palette, and the overall lightness of the artwork vaguely recalls the work of series veteran Yoshitaka Amano without seeming like a copycat.

And there there was the actual gameplay itself. The game is an interesting combination of linear and non-linear elements. The main character joins a "clan" which is basically a band of mercenaries willing to do all different kinds of work. You get to name your clan. You then get leads on "missions" from the pub. Missions come it two varieties: battle missions and dispatch missions. In a battle mission, you have to complete a battle to clear the mission. In a dispatch mission, you choose a character to leave temporarily (a span of time that varies by mission, usually a few in-game days or after you've defeated a certain number of enemies) to complete a task. As an added twist, some missions require items or specific jobs to complete. For example, one bodyguard dispatch mission requires the "Defender" job. All missions have rewards. You're free to take any mission, so long as you have the required items. Most battle missions are either turf wars between clans or events that advance the story. More missions become available as you complete others. It's never boring. You're always either advancing the incredible storyline or laying the proverbial smackdown on rival clans, gaining new turfs and unlocking new areas. When you unlock a new area, you get to choose where it is placed on the world map. This makes sense in the context of the game because the four main characters (Marche; the hero; Ritz, Mewt, and Doned) have basically created the world of Ivalice themselves, with Doned seeming to be the game's primary influence. Just play the game and you'll get it.

The game's job system is similar to the original FF Tactics with one notable exception: some jobs are exclusive to race. There are five races in Ivalice: Human, Nu Mou, Viera, Moogle, and Bangaa. If you've played Final Fantasy XII, you are familiar with these races. Only Moogles have access to the Gunner job and only the Bangaa get Dragoon. There are many other exclusives, as well.

Ivalice is governed by "Laws". Laws are enforced by Judges (Mewt's father, the Judgemaster, is at the left) who appear anytime there is a conflict. Laws forbid certain actions in combat and rewards others. For example, a typical law would forbid a successful attack with a "Greatsword" and reward an attack with a "Rapier". When you break a law, a judge will issue a yellow card or a red card, depending on its severity (first offenses that don't result in KO get yellow cards, but repeat offenses and illegal KOs receive red cards). Legal KOs and recommended actions like a strike with a rapier in the example above, result in a character being rewarding with "JP" (Judge Points). JP is used to perform combos with other characters using your specific job's combo command. Combos are essentially team-up attacks that deal high damage. When a character amasses 10 JP (the maximum), they can summon their race's Totema (beings who guard the crystals that keep the world in order) to deal massive HP or MP damage to all enemies. Later in the game, you get access to cards that alter laws. You can nullify a law that is detrimental or you can add a law that may be advantageous. However, its made clear from the beginning that something may be wrong with this system....

"Resentment towards Queen Remedi has been building these last few years. The reason? Frequent and seemingly arbitrary changes in the laws. It's gone so far that some pundits wryly say she's "...doing it to please that brat, the prince."

This adds a whole new wrinkle of potential tactics to the game. For example, each law that forbids something also rewards something. In the "Greatsword/Rapier" example, a successful Rapier strike with award a character with 1 JP. Also, if you're fighting mages, just use a "Color magic" card to forbid the use of black/white/red/blue magic. Should be an easy victory.

As fun and as deep as FF Tactics Advance's gameplay is, the part that shines the most is the storyline. It's one of the most impressive stories that a Final Fantasy game has ever told. Each main character faces a powerful enemy within themselves during the course of the game. One example is Ritz (the first character illustration above). She is teased for her natural white hair in the real world. She constantly dyes it red to hid her imperfection. However, all the kids know she does this. She strongly resents Marche's attempts to turn the world back to normal. Her comrade is Shara, a Viera warrior. She teachers her that, to the Viera, white hair is considered a blessing and helps her learn to fully accept herself.

Thus is Final Fantasy Tactics Advance. I'm willing to say it's the finest game ever made for the Gameboy Advance. It's powerful, relevant storyline teaches us many lessons about self-worth, dwelling on the past, corruption, and the importance of accepting reality rather than living in fiction. Combine that with beautiful graphics and a deep combat system and you've got one of the best games ever made.

The Sleep Deprived Rant of an Angry Gamer

2010-03-15T06:42:00.000-03:00

What sets apart the MMORPG from all other games? Many things, indeed. It's a much larger time investment to play one, there are subscription fees to pay, you get access to a unique group of players that you're in almost constant contact with, and almost always a huge learning curve. The rewards of an MMO are potentially great. With time invested and knowledge of your class, you can have a damn good time playing one. You feel like you are part of a community. Community is central to the MMO. Why do you think social networking sites are so popular today? Community. You can stay in touch with practically everyone you know and love from the comfort of your own home and on your own time. MMORPG's are like any other family. They even have those annoying little cousins or siblings that follow you around and ask dumbass questions like "can u giv me sum gold". Fuck no! I won't give you any goddamn gold. "plz I need nu equipmnt im gettin pwned" Grrr.... ok here's 5 gold. Leave me alone.

World of Warcraft is probably the most popular MMO ever. It's massive. It's larger than you can fathom. 11 million unique accounts? That's more than the populations of some countries. It's a damn good game. It's not hard to get into (which is normally a hallmark of MMOs) and it's set up in such a way that you feel rewarded for what you do and the time you put into it. It keeps you coming back. Lots of people you know already have accounts and play.

However, it's apparently pretty damn easy to get hacked. I have a close friend that was recently hacked. He even shelled out the extra cash to buy an authenticator to add extra security to his account. He found out when he tried to log into his account and found out that he had been accused of robbing his guild's bank (our guild's bank, rather. I'm in the same guild). His account was frozen for three days and his reputation was ruined. Having your WoW account is just like having your identity stolen. Someone loses money (or something valuable) and your rep is trashed.

This got me to thinking. I'd heard of hackers and people exploiting WoW. However, I didn't KNOW anybody who had actually gotten hacked. Once I started looking, however, they started popping up everywhere. People I knew... all having the same problem.

Some have pointed at the wildly popular Curse client that lets players manage and use AddOns and enhance the gaming experience (I found the Auctioneer addon highly useful when I played). They say this program is infected with keyloggers that steal your password. Experts in the field also suspect that websites that have nothing to do with WoW also carry such keyloggers. It makes sense because, if you play wow, it's not a huge task to guess what other websites you frequent.

Being fucked over in World of Warcraft is as bad as having your 357 Hour save data in Final Fantasy X deleted accidentally. The five stages of grief run their course and then you find yourself back into the game, trying desperately to reach the god-like state you attained before. Any gamer worth his salt has went through something like that...

...But in an MMO it's so much harder to repair your status. It's so much harder to get back the equipment you lost, the gold you had, and even the friends you had made. Maybe an administrator can restore some of your stuff or maybe they could even fix all of it; but damage done to a players reputation almost can't be restored. My friend was forced to quit playing because his guild-mates didn't trust him anymore.

Why is hacking a problem, Blizzard? People will always come up with ingenious new ways to fuck over his fellow player... I understand that. Nevertheless, I'm paying you a pretty penny to adventure in Azeroth. For those who love them, MMOs are such wonderful things. I know that I've gotten a lot of enjoyment out of playing WoW, FFXI, Ragnarok Online, and hell even Maple Story for awhile. With the money and time we give you, we expect to be taken care of.

Maybe it's getting too big for you to handle... I have a huge amount of empathy for you. It must be hard to run something so incredibly large. However, you have to get this hacking situation under control. You have to get control over this monstrous entity you have created. It's breaking from its reigns... It's like Tetsuo at the end of "Akira". If you don't, we'll leave. I left today. I bought the Final Fantasy XI Ultimate Collection from Steam for $7.49. I always kinda liked FFXI more anyway... but no one played it. I have at least one friend (the guy that got fucked by hackers) that wants to play with me. I wish you the best and I hope you can provide a safer environment for all your current players. They deserve it.

A quickie

2010-03-11T04:05:00.000-04:00

What do you think of that big stupid picture at the top of the page? I think it's kinda funny. It's like I'm trying to be artsy or something. :p More cool shit coming. I promise.

Up in the Air

2010-03-11T03:33:00.001-04:00

"Up in the Air" is round three for Jason Reitman (Thank You For Smoking; Juno). It's the story of Ryan Bingham (George Clooney) who makes a living firing people. Ryan burns up miles in the sky flying from city to city performing his duties. He loves travel and rues the small part of the year he doesn't work. His apartment looks like a hotel room. His philosophy is to avoid being weighed down my material possessions and relationships. He avoids most of what all people love and cherish. Perpetually on the move, travelling lightly and efficiently. Ryan also has a self-help seminar based on his lifestyle where he asks the question: "how much does your life weigh?" Then, he urges taking those things that weigh us down out of our "backpacks". I find myself at odds with Ryan's philosophy. I'm materialistic, a friend to many, and very much a family-oriented person. But Ryan nearly convinced me all those things were holding me back. He enchanted me.

Ryan meets a lot of people. Most of them one time and never again. Although, there is one person (a woman) he calls back. Alex (Vera Farmiga) travels a lot, too. They share the type of non-commitment relationship that Ryan is comfortable with, only meeting when their paths cross. They're practically the same person on the exterior. They each know exactly what they want out of the relationship, at first.

Then there's Natalie (the incredibly cute Anna Kendrick). She's the kind of person that seems destined for success. Put together, neat, all-business. She's initially at odds with Ryan because of her plan to modernize the "termination facilitation" (as Ryan calls it) business by using TV screens and cameras to fire employees rather than a face-to-face meeting. However, she finds herself traveling with Ryan on his possible final tour of duty. He takes pride in his work and intends to show her that face-to-face is the only possible way the job could be done. That can't be stressed enough: Ryan loves what he does. It's in sync with his lifestyle.

Ryan believes Natalie's approach is too cold. He believes that there's a certain elegance to his job. Something that is lost without physical contact. Losing your job isn't a happy event. It's urgent and life-changing. But it's OK. Ryan is on your side. He's there to let you down safely and he'll even help you get back on your feet. He has some pamphlets and papers for that... Would you rather be fired by a face on a television? Or by Ryan? Natalie has many drilled termination facilitators. They have flowcharts that will help them get the job done. But Ryan doesn't need a flowchart. Ryan is the flowchart. He's a human termination facilitator. He's the epitome of "married to my job."

Stylistically, "Up in the Air" continues Reitman's unique film-making style. An interesting opening and his trademark brief illustrative sequences are there. There's moments of comedy and moments of tragedy, but it's not heavy on either. It's the journey of Ryan and the people he meets along the way. Take it, or leave it.

"Up in the Air" is a wonderful film. So, I won't spoil anything else for you. Fly with Ryan and discover this film for yourself. (***)

Under-appreciated Things #2: Uncle Goddamn

2010-03-07T02:47:00.000-04:00

"Goddamn right."

If you're the kind of person that was sincerely happy when Jackass 3D was announced, then I bet you'd love Uncle Goddamn. Someone has filmed what we've all thought about doing when we were drinking with our friends but, ultimately, didn't do because we valued friendship.

Here's a YouTube video that showcases part of Uncle Goddamn: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R8y3vfKfwn0&feature=related

That's not even the half of it. The movie is a series of home videos. The Elmore's live in Shelby, NC. They drink. A lot. In their beer-fueled quest for entertainment, they like to mess around with each other. We've all done it... but these guys do it better. We learn that Uncle Robert's response to any situation is "invariably goddamn" (as the film puts it). He accidentally hits his head on the cabinets, "goddamn". He falls victim to the ol' hand-full-of-shaving-cream-face-tickle-prank, "there ain't no goddamn sense in this". A little girl calls him "Tin Man" after his loving family spray paints his entire face silver-gray, "goddamn right!". There's also other little snippets thrown in such as the particularly hilarious segment where Pappy, the matriarch of the family, tells two guys he's upset with on the TV to "eat this dick" as he removes his pants

I don't consider myself highly insensitive. If at all, I'm as desensitized as anyone else growing up in America today. But you can't help but laugh at this family. Everyone gets messed with a little bit, but Uncle "Goddamn" Robert is systematically tortured by everyone. I strongly recommend finding and purchasing the DVD. It's definitely worth it!

Under-appreciated Things #1: That One Scene in Untouchables Where the Little Girl Gets Blown Sky High

2010-02-03T12:14:00.000-04:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pb48XzzsjGs (fast forward to 3:40 if you like)

Oh boy. Definitely one of the greatest film moments ever.

Seriously! Have you ever seen anything like that? Brian de Palma doesn't not shy away from violence. In fact, he seems to relish in it... Consider the shootout in Scarface. Definitely one of the greatest blood-soaked gun rages of all time. And there there's Untouchables with its vulgar display of kid violence. BOOM! That's what you get annoying little girl! How's mommy doing now?!

Persona 2 in America

2010-01-24T14:27:00.000-04:00

America is the 90s was a complicated place for video games. It was a time of trivial censorship: such as the renaming of the "Holy" spell in Final Fantasy IV to "White" and the omission of any references to prayer. The Tower of Prayers became Tower of Wishes and Rosa lost her helpful "Pray" command altogether. Mortal Kombat and Doom were turning us all, allegedly, violent little monsters. If things like mentioning prayer in a video game was making peoples heads turn, then there was no way that the first part of Persona 2 (Innocent Sin) would have ever seen the light of day in America. The second chapter (Eternal Punishment) was released; but is so rare that it doesn't even count. But not all is lost:

The fan translation of Innocent Sin is apparently complete. Someone tell me how the hell I missed that. Seriously. I want to know. Back to the censorship issue:

Yes. That is Hitler. And yes. You are fighting him. That's probably one reason it was never released here. Actually, I'm going to say no. Didn't we beat up Hitler in WWII? Why not do it again! Some people may find it insensitive... others, like me may find it awesome. Perhaps his second coming had something to do with the Nazi's interest in mysticism. That would certainly make sense in the context of the game (which deals with demons).

Another reason is likely the possibility of the main character having a homosexual relationship in the game. I'm willing to bet that the gayness is the biggest red flag there... at least when we're talking about America. We just can't handle homosexuality. Especially here in the Bible belt.

I purposely never researched the circumstances of his apparent resurrection because I'm still waiting for it to be localized in America and I don't want to spoil anything. But, since the fan patch is complete, I suppose I'll be spending a lot of time trying to figure out how to take advantage of it. You should too.

Resident Evil

2009-12-01T01:26:00.000-04:00

My first intimate encounter with zombies will always be the Resident Evil series of games. For me, it's the best way to experience zombie-horror. I was 8 or 9 and hadn't seen Night of the Living Dead, wasn't aware of Peter Jackson's Brain Dead, Dawn of the Dead, Return of the Dead 3 (ummm yeah...), Zombi, and 28 Days Later hadn't been made yet. My first memory of Resident Evil was back in the late 90s. I went over to my cousin's house and he had just gotten Resident Evil 3: Nemesis. I remember him starting it up and it saying something to the effect of: "this game has tons of violence and gore." I--being a TV-raised 9 year old model American--couldn't have been more excited. I remember rewinding the scene where Luke Skywalker slices off the Wampa's arm in Empire Strikes Back over and over again... Blood, violence, gore. Yes.
But my first experience with RE wasn't a good one. I wasn't ready. The lumbering zombies were eerie, ever present, and evil. They tore at my flesh, caught me from behind, and sometimes even surprised me by gnawed at my legs. My pistol constantly ran out of ammo, recovery items were far and in between, and that wasn't even the beginning of my nightmare.
The first time I was chased by Nemesis I had to quit the game and play something else. He was just too menacing. The behemoth took bullet after bullet. Stalking me around the front of the police station until I either died or manage to get inside. He had one creepy whited-out eye and a big skin graft sewn over the other one and was a good 3 feet taller than poor Jill Valentine. It was incredible. "Am I even supposed to beat this thing?" I asked myself. I had to let my cousin keep playing because I just didn't have the courage.
But even though it had scared the pants off of me two years or so prior, I bought a copy of Resident Evil 2 (I couldn't find RE1). I was a that much older and that much braver.
I'll never forget the first time your character walks into the police station and goes into that first room with the Item Box. There's an unsettling silence. And right when you go around the corner to go up the staircase, you see some creature scurry across the window briefly. Immediately, I went into fight/flight mode: pulse quickened, muscles tensed... That's the first time you encounter the Licker: by far my favorite Resident Evil B.O.W. (Bio-Organic Weapon). Odds are, I don't have to explain to you what he looks like: it's an image burned into our collective gamer-consciousness.
Resident Evil holds a lot of memories for me. I remember getting used to the "tank" controls, learning how to manage items, Umbrella, ink ribbons and typewriters (and the annoying trek back to the item box because you forgot the take the said ribbons out of your inventory before leaving the safe room...), the T-Virus, the simple one-word names for all your enemies: Tyrant, Licker, Hunter, etc., the red zombie, S.T.A.R.S., all the opening doors and going up staircases/ladders screens, the zombies, the bio-weapons, the ridiculous dialogue in RE1 (MASTER OF UNLOCKING!), the player characters (Jill, Chris, Claire, Leon, Ada, HUNK, Rebecca, Billy, Sheva, and of course... Tofu), the mansion, Raccoon city, the "the B1 key is useless now. Discard?" prompts. And of course that feeling of sheer dread and terror that always finds you when you're up at 2AM wandering through Raccoon City.
I hold the old games so dear that whenever I read a file on a computer in RE5 that vaguely referred to the Licker my heart literally jumped out of my chest. It did so again when I actually encountered one. Even through I played the original three games in reverse, I went back and played each one in sequence. I can't count how many times I've cleared them.
The original, arguably, created the entire genre of survival horror. It was a revolutionary concept. Years later, Resident Evil 4 would mimic its progenitor and turn the gaming world on its head again. Your enemies this time were parasites that turned the peaceful Spanish locals into deadly, pitchfork wielding zombies under the control of Lord Saddler. 4 had a high focus on action and shooting. It introduced an over-the-shoulder perspective and manual aim so you could shoot enemies wherever you wanted. No longer were spectacular gory headshots only restricted to the magnum! Other additions include a QTE system (quick time events) that allowed you to melee stunned enemies and dodge. You couldn't put the controller down during cut scenes because often you would have to input commands to continue (i.e. survive) the game. However, half the fun was watching Leon die: impaled by wooden stake after falling down into pit, eaten by a giant, mutated mud-puppy, ripped in half by a boss, decapitated by a chainsaw wielding zombie. Delicious violence. However, a lot of RE hallmarks were abandoned. Ink ribbons were done away with; a change that I'm sure didn't upset a lot of people. The traditional lumbering zombies were gone; replaced by the smarter, agile, and weapon-wielding Ganados. Albert Wesker and Umbrella were conspicuously absent from center stage. The game relied on the ol' "The Presidents daughter has been kidnaped. Rescue her" plot. By far the single biggest change was the gameplay. RE4 played out as more of an action-adventure game than a horror game with Leon blasting through hordes of zombies, running from boulders and giant statues, and leaping out of mine cart moments before it plunges off a cliff. Even with all these improvements and changes, 4 still had the Resident Evil atmosphere: you still faced mutated abominations in combat and inventory management was still key. It was an incredible leap forward. Resident Evil had evolved into a new kind of hideous beast. These changes were universally welcomed, but I get the feeling that I wasn't the only one that was a bit disappointed. Resident Evil 5 took us to where it all started: Africa. Our dream of cooperative play was also made reality. A new player character was introduced, Sheva Alomar. Wesker and Umbrella was back and many of the series secrets and questions were answered. It retained the same shooting mechanics and an improved QTE system that allowed a larger variety of melee attacks. It also continued the action-adventure style of 4. For me, it was a dream come true.
However, the series is not wholly without dark moments. Much like the mutated William Birkin, games like Gun Survivor popped up every now and then to assault the high standards we held the RE series to. These games aren't so much poorly made as just experiments gone wrong. Perhaps Capcom thought that by releasing these abominations, they were--in a kind of post-modern/existential way--creating literal monsters to hunt us down and destroy us. I don't think its too big of a stretch to say that they were.
Curiously, RE is called Biohazard in Japan. Biohazard is the original name of the series. What does Resident Evil even mean? Was it a translation error? like: "Residence of Evil"? The first game takes place entirely in a mansion on the outskirts of Raccoon City so that's a maybe. Perhaps its referring to the zombies and B.O.W's: Resident referring to their status as tenets in this mansion; and Evil because they want to eat your flesh. The game's creator, Shinji Mikami, created another horror franchise: Dino Crisis. Was that games name changed in America too? I don't know. Dino Crisis is similar to Biohazard because a "hazard" and a "crisis" are both conditions while "bio" and "dino" are both modifiers to these conditions. Resident Evil can be interpreted the same way (like I said above: evil residents) but it isn't as clear as Biohazard. That's like calling Dino Crisis "Jungle Evil".
In closing, thank you Shinji Mikami and Capcom for bring Resident Evil to the world. Thank you for scaring the hell out of me over and over again.

Jennifer's Body

2009-10-05T02:35:00.000-03:00

I'll deliver my verdict with one quote:

"Do you know how hard it is to make it as an indie band these days? There are so many of us, and we're all so cute and it's like if you don't get on Letterman or some retarded soundtrack, you're screwed, okay? Satan is our only hope."

Thank you, Diablo Cody. (**)

Is Damnation that bad?!

2009-09-24T21:39:00.000-03:00

I bet you've heard a lot about Codemaster's Damnation. I bet you've heard it's bad... really bad. And you of course know that you shouldn't always listen to the masses and give this game a chance, right? It certainly can't be as bad as everyone says it is, right?

Wrong.

Damnation is a bad game. They're not lying. A friend and I rented it just to see if it was really that bad. I'll give you my unedited notes, right after playing this game:

1. The shooting system is awful and clunky.
2. Melee attacks are almost useless. You swing your arms clumsily, barely damaging anything. I feel like I'm attacking with Edward in FFIV...
3. There's plenty of dropped frames.
4. The environments are confusing, and you're given no waypoints of any kind that I could discern. This wouldn't be a problem if the environments weren't so fucking bland and boring.
5. The AI enemies are ridiculously powerful and they will obliterate you... or you'll just tear through them because they're also very stupid. Where is the balance?
6. The voice-acting is very bad. I gurantee you'll often you'll spend a lot of time simply laughing at the things these characters say. For example... wait until you meet the quasi-hispanic sounding character dressed in red...
7. You can press a button (Circle) to crouch. You can crouch behind cover to avoid damage... however, don't try to fire from cover because you can't do that. You'll simply blow the shit out of the object in front of you.
8. There's platforming elements that are anything but elegant. Once again, they're clunky and just not fun to look at after the first few backflips.
9. Your characters move so awkwardly it is often hilarious. For example, try shimming on a ledge...
10. If you're playing co-op one of the early game hints on the second players screen will not disappear... I'm not kidding.

Seriously, I was able to write that in about five minutes. 10 complaints in 5 minutes. That is unacceptable. Blue Omega Entertainment, the developer, was fired shortly after this games release. (http://ps3.ign.com/articles/100/1000397p1.html) The quality of the game may or may not be completely responsible for all those people losing their jobs, but I can't feel very sorry for them. They'll find work again and, hopefully, develop some better games.

It wasn't completely bad. Maybe like 97% bad. The opening cutscene was interesting and I think steampunk is just awesome and--it seems--tragically under-used. So, just for that, Damnation can be appreciated.

Nah, I'm kidding. This game is horrible. (null)

Knowing

2009-09-21T00:52:00.000-03:00

Note: as it is my style, it should be noted that my comments usually throughly discuss imagery, plot points, twists, and the like. There may be spoilers.

Austrailian filmmaker Alex Proyas is one of my favorite directors. I cherish his Dark City greatly (Ya know, I need to write something about it...). I am still looking for a copy of his first film Spirits of the Air, Gremlins of the Clouds in any format. And yes, I mean ANY format: I'd take a roughed up VHS at this point. Don't know either of those films? Not surprising. Dark City wasn't a hit financially and--obviously--Spirits probably isn't sitting on a Blockbuster shelf. However, Proyas did direct The Crow and I haven't met many people with bad things to say about that one. His previous effort I, Robot saw commercial success and re-affirmed that the Converse sneaker is the ultimate footwear. At this point I'm wondering why this post isn't called "All About Alex Proyas". Let me get to the point.

Knowing is his latest film and it seems like just another Nicholas Cage star vehicle. Well, that's right and wrong. The film opens at an elementary school in 1959. We meet Lucidna, a strange young girl who apparently hears voices. In the next scene, students draw their visions of the future to be placed into a time capsule and reopened 50 years later by a group of students. We come to find the tortured young girl has written on a piece of paper the date, death toll, and location of every major disaster to come. In the present day, we meet astrophysicist John Koestler: our hero. He and his obviously intelligent son enjoy an evening of stargazing. Caleb gets Lucidna's paper and sneaks it home where his father discovers it and becomes tangled up in the world's destiny.

The movie certainly has plenty of your typical thriller-type moments and dialogue. But behind the hum-drum, the visionary Proyas is at work. Consider a scene from the trailer: a jumbo-jet crashes violently near our hero. In one long, continous take John approaches the wreckage and attempts to save a few survivors. It's a moment that can't really be described easily. The unbroken shot recreates deftly the intensity of such a dire situation. You feel the urgency. There isn't any relief. The final scene of the film are companion pieces of destruction and new life. They also can only be experienced.

The film has most everything a decent thriller should, including the key elements tension and mystery. Unfortunetly, it doesn't rise above most genre cliches. You've heard the dialogue before; you've seen some of the situations before. However, it is commendable for pushing some boundries and possesses an obvious wit. It plays on contemporary paranoia of terrorist attacks and plots in such a fascinating way. We are to believe that a terrorist bombing, or the like, will probably occur in New York City. The film displays newscasts that claim the terror threat level is elevated and John even pinpoints the location of the eventual destruction at the corner of a New York street. One chaotic chase scene later, our expectations are completely defeated. No terror bombing occurs and the suspicious man at the subway was simply a petty shoplifter.

Another one of my favorite parts lies near the end of the film. Caleb and the granddaughter of the opening scenes prophet, Lucidna, carry white rabbits given to them by the strange "whisper men" that appear throughout the movie. The rabbits may represent a wish of good luck on the pair's new beginning. Or maybe they represent the uncertainity of traveling down the rabbit hole, into the unknown. I'd like to think that the rabbits represent both. Or perhaps Proyas just likes white rabbits. (**)

How I do things.

2009-09-20T22:06:00.000-03:00

I've decided that I want to change the way I do things. Since this blog is young and doesn't have any readers I think I can get away with that.

I comment on video games, movies, books, etc. with a focus on gaming (since it's my precious...). Any of your comments, observations, flames, will be appreciated.

All reviews will now follow this scale:

*** = I loved it. A wonderful piece of work.
** = I liked it. Has some great things and some stuff that holds it back.
* = I didn't like it. Probably a waste of time.

Anything below "*" is, I think, garbage: "null"

My ultimate goal is to have the reader actually read my entire comments about the subject. That's what really counts. Star ratings are just too vague.

Expect several new updates soon! I'm working on quite a few varied essays. :)

Batman: Arkham Asylum (Demo Impressions)

2009-09-15T20:31:00.001-03:00

We live in an age of superheroes. Comic books have always been the way to live the lives of fantastic men and women. However in the wake of the first X-Men film a renewed interest of comic book heroes and villains was apparent. It seems that film studios are buying up the rights to every superhero and every comic book there is. I think that, in ways, lead to the development of the latest Batman video game "Batman: Arkham Asylum".

If you're played any Batman video games you know one thing: There are some bad ones and there are some good ones. The NES one was good, the Batman: The Animated Series game for the SNES was also good. Batman Forever for the SNES broke me as a child... I spent hours trying to figure it out. It didn't make any sense. Not a very good experience to say the least. I remember playing a PS2 Batman game a long time ago. It wasn't bad, but it surely wasn't very memorable. "Batman Begins" for the PS2 was one that sticks out in my memory. It had a some neat ideas--intimidation of enemies for one--but it was woefully forgettable. Needless to say, Arkham Asylum blows all of these games out of the water.

Well, I just played the demo and already it's better than any other game carrying the name of Batman to date. Here's why:

1.) Combat. Batman kicks ass left and right. The combat system (dubbed "free-flow combat") lets Batman tear through baddies like a warm batrang through butter (don't you love Bat-puns? forgive me). I can't really explain it too well with words. Batman is able to seemlessly strike, counter, and throw. He can also switch targets mid-combo. The sound effects are great, really letting you hear the heft of the strikes.

2.) Stealth. For me, this is the most exciting aspect. Batman has a variety of ways to subdue foes. If unseen, he can silently incapitate his enemies. I also saw some shots in the trailer of him using batarangs, his grappling hook, and other gadgets. He can sneak on the ground, crouch behind a corner (in MGS fashion), lurk in the shadows high above by swinging and hanging from the decorate gargoyles, and glide gracefully down. If you knock out an enemy and someone finds them they'll begin to search for the Batman. They may also begin to behave nervously if they keep finding their comrades lying on the floor. Just imagine if Solid Snake had a grappling gun and you get the picture.

3.) Service to the fans. There are plenty of extras: character bios, trophies, even patient tapes that let you hear psychiatric sessions with the Joker (I'm sure they have them for other characters... but I'm just playing the demo). This is the best Batman experience to date.

"Batman: Arkham Asylum" is one of those rare demos that get you so incredibly stocked for the full product that you may drool all over your t-shirt. Welcome to the madhouse.

District 9

2009-09-02T14:22:00.000-03:00

A few years ago a lot of fuss was raised about a film adaptation of Bungie's Halo video game franchise. Peter Jackson was to have... something to do with it. Now, I've heard people say that he was attached to direct but that was probably a rumor. He was certainly to produce the film. Enter Neill Blomkamp, director of short-films and commercials. He made a trilogy of shorts set in the Halo universe known as Landfall, mostly to promote the release of Halo 3.
[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BxdvGO1oOF0]

It's hard not to get excited for a Halo movie after watching that, right? They are truly great pieces of film-making. However, I find my self satisfied that the Halo film failed. Why? Because Jackson moved on to produce Blomkamp's first feature: District 9.

District 9, I found out, is an expansion of one of Blomkamp's previous short films Alive in Joburg. It explores the same themes and uses the same documentary style for some of the film.
http://www.spyfilms.com/#neill_blomkamp/alive_in_joburg

D9 is a fantastic film. It is smart, emotionally involving, stylish, and well-executed by wonderful actors. Technically, it is an astounding achievement. With a budget of only $30 million it pulls off some of the most impressive CGI and special effects I've seen this year. Compare that too Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen's overbloated $200 million budget.

Sharlto Copley deftly portrays hero Wikus. The plot involves alien refugees (bug-like humanoids) that are segregated from society. Wikus is chosen to lead an effort to relocate the aliens due to growing public fears. Things turn awry when Wikus is exposed to an alien substance and I'll let you figure out the rest. The film shifts from a documentary perspective to a more traditional third-person perspective. Blomkamp handles this with great precision and it is never a distraction.

Perhaps Halo will one day get its film made. But until then, I'm sure everyone short of the uber-fans will not be disappointed at the turn of events. This is the best film I've seen this year. Go watch it: 5/5

Dark Sector

2009-03-18T01:54:00.000-03:00

Back in '08 I downloaded the Dark Sector demo on the PSN. I played it a few times and forgot about it. Little did I know we would meet again... I just picked up a copy of it for $9.97 at my local Walmart. It was quite the "wow" moment.

Dark Sector is an entertaining and violent-limb-severing third-person shooter. You play as CIA agent Hayden Tenno. Threatened with a massive and deadly outbreak of the "technocyte" virus (think of it as a cooler T-virus), he is sent in to clean up the mess. Hayden suffers from congenital analgia: A (real) condition that doesn't allow him to feel pain. After the prologue, Hayden is infected by a bio-weapon--that reminds me of an metallic Arthurian knight--controlled by Robert Mezner; the antagonist. Hayden is able to reap the benefits of the infection. So instead of being driven to rage by the extreme pain of the strange virus, he gains the ability to use the "glaive": a three-pronged chakram. It's a part of Hayden's body and is very useful at maiming enemies.

The game is an over-the-shoulder type shooter. Hayden can shoot from the hip or aim for more precise attacks. He can take over behind obstacles, dodge, melee up close, perform "finishers" and do pretty much anything else you'd expect from a third person shooting game. The glaive is what brings the spice. It's damaging and can be charged up and even be controlled manually after being throwed (think of Heavenly Sword's "aftertouch"). You gradually gain these glaive powers in the beginning of the game.

Another interesting gameplay mechanic: after the prologue you cannot pick up enemy weapons anymore without them eventually just disappearing in a flash of light. This is due to an infection countermeasure. This is neat because when you find yourself running low on ammo for your trusty pistol you can use the glaive to snag a dropped weapon on the ground and use it for 15 or so seconds. Although, eventually you gain access to the "black market". You can purchase and upgrade weapons there.

However the game is held back by a few things. The voice acting is usually solid but sometimes goofy. There are also graphical glitches here and there that don't necessarily take away from the experience but certainly annoy. Also, enemy AI could use refinement. They're not dumb, but often rely on the same tactics.

Dark Sector is a great game to pick up if you can't afford Resident Evil 5 right now. It's sure to be sitting in a game store somewhere for around or less than 20 bucks. VERDICT: [3.5/5]

Warhawk

2008-04-02T14:24:00.000-03:00

EDIT: 3/15/09 The game now has a tutorial mode! Updated score: 4.5/5

Early on in development of Warhawk the developers scrapped the single player mode because they felt it was "inferior to the online component". Well, at least they're honest.

Warhawk is a third-person shooter exclusive to the Playstation 3. Like I mentioned before it is multi-player only. I must say that there are no other games quite like it.

When you begin a game you start out as a regular foot soldier. You get a pistol and two grenades. You can pick up other weapons like an assault rifle, a rocket launcher, sniper rifle, and even a set of binoculars that when focused upon an enemy unleashes a green death ray from above that is virtually inescapable.

However the real fun comes when you get in vehicles. Warhawk is a re-make (only in spirit) of the original PSone launch title. You can pilot fighter jets, drive jeeps, and roll with tanks. The vehicles can be controlled with the motion sensor on the PS3 SIXAXIS controller or with the analog sticks/d-pad. The control scheme is very tight and not confusing at all. You'll be in vehicles most of the time because they're usually more effective (however in some situations being on foot is an asset). Additionally you can play frenzied death matches with no vehicles.

At the time of this review there is no shortage of online games to play. You can also play local matches with your friends (just press start on the other controllers when you get to the stage). With the PS3 robust HD capabilities Warhawk may see a favorable return to split screen gaming (split screen looks wonderful on a 50" 1080i plasma TV... trust me). However, I heard that finding games that allow split screen online is harder than you would think. I guess the online community doesn't like it. (edit 4/11/08: actually, it's not very hard at all to find games that have split screen enable. I haven't had a problem.)

Warhawk has a ranking system that not only relies on the collection of "points" but "medals" too. Without certain accomplishments you are not able to reach higher ranks. As you go up in rank new customization options are open to you. You start as a recruit and work your way up into General status.

Another great thing about Warhawk is the way its maps are set up. Each map has many different parts and "configurations" to play on. The same map has 5 or more possible play areas.

The bad thing about Warhawk is the bewilderment. You are basically just dropped into matches (there was hardly any beginner's rooms when I was starting out) with little more than some tips that pop up on screen to obstruct your view and let you know how things work (they can be turned off, so don't worry). The only tutorial you can get is to just play the game. However, once you've nailed the basics you'll start having a lot of fun.

VERDICT: (4/5) If you have a PS3 you should probably have Warhawk. While the first few hours are hard and confusing the gameplay is very fun. You won't find combat like Warhawk offers anywhere else.

Crisis Core: Final Fantasy VII

2008-03-26T01:42:00.000-03:00

Originally announced in 2004 at E3 Crisis Core: Final Fantasy VII for the PSP completes Square-Enix's Compilation of Final Fantasy VII project; a project that has certainly had it's high points and low points. I'm happy to inform you that Crisis Core is definitely a high point.

CC is an action-RPG that elaborates on the events leading up to Final Fantasy VII. You control Zack, SOLDIER 2nd Class, that you probably remember from Cloud's memories in the original game. Zack is sent by Lazard, the director of SOLDIER, to investigate the apparent defection of 1st Class Genesis and several other SOLIDER members.

Battles unfold in real-time and you are free to control Zack. You can equip materia (you should know what that is) to access magic, abilities, and raise your stats. While you move Zack around the battlefield you can scroll through the command bar with the L and R shoulder buttons to attack, use magic/abilities, or items.

The game also uses something called DMW (Digital Mind Wave) to perform powerful limit breaks and gain short battle bonuses like one-MP spells. The DMW is three slot reels that contain character portraits and summon monsters. Numbers appear when the reels stop and may grant temporary bonuses in battle. The DMW constantly spins and expends SP that is gained by defeating enemies. It's very fickle and kind of a gamble but it's fun and a very interesting concept. When you match three characters you get to use a character specific limit break (example: if you line up three Clouds you use sword slash limit). The DMW seems to represent what goes through Zack's mind while he fights (I noticed that before performing Angeal's limit his voice coaches Zack by saying: "Show me your honor").

In addition to the main story you can do "missions" to obtain new materia and other items. New missions appear while progressing through the game and some are triggered by talking to other characters. There's a ton of missions to do and a ton of items to get.

However, it's not perfect. The game doesn't really explain the DMW system very much in the beginning and the voice acting isn't the best I've ever heard either. Also, I think that not everyone will embrace the DMW... Personally I think it's a very ambitious game mechanic.

VERDICT - [4/5]: Crisis Core: Final Fantasy VII is a great PSP game with a fun combat system, excellent visuals, and a pretty good story.

Disgaea 2: Cursed Memories (First Impression)

2008-03-23T02:40:00.000-03:00

So I just bought Disgaea 2: Cursed Memories for the PS2 and all I can say is WOW (that's MOM upside down... by the way) this is one of the best strategy RPGs available!

Let me tell you about some of my favorite features:

1. Battle System. Disgaea 2 uses a pretty basic SRPG formula but spices it up a bit. The game uses the typical grid battle system where the battlefield is composed of a bunch of squares. However, instead of having each unit act independently Disgaea 2 lets you move your units into position, issue them commands and have them all act at the same time. After moving into position and giving all your units something to do you hit the "Execute" button in the menu to perform all of your actions in tandem. This creates some pretty wild combos. Also, there's a chance you can perform team-up attacks with other allies around you. Sweet!

2. The Dark Assembly. The dark assembly is a demonic version of Congress where all of the Senators are monsters (is this some strange critique of most governing bodies? maybe...). In the Assembly you select a character to address the monstrous "senators" and get them to pass various bills. Bills could be anything from having more items in the weapon store to creating new characters to use in battle. And, just like in the real Senate, some senators may be asleep and others could be drunk! In order to pass bills you sometimes have to "bribe" members of the assembly with items and if you really want to get the message across you can actually engage them in battle and beat the support out of them. Talk about a filibuster. (sorry for all the cheesy humor...)

3. Level 9,999. Remember how in Final Fantasy VII the highest possible level you could get your characters too was 99? Well in Disgaea you can get them to level 9,999. Yes. I'm not kidding. That's the highest level possible.

4. Style and humor. When asked to make a yes or no decision in most games you're presented with a menu that says "Yes or No". In Disgaea I had a slightly different decision: "Yes or Hell No". It has a fun, playful, and funny style with awesome anime characters. What's not to love?

I've only played this game for about 2 hours now (hence the First Impression in the title) but it's incredibly awesome and I'll probably be playing it for a looooooooong time.

A Case For Metal Gear Solid 2: Sons of Liberty

2008-03-16T23:07:00.001-03:00

Metal Gear Solid 2: Sons of Liberty is a critically acclaimed stealth action game created by Hideo Kojima. The game, while receiving universal praise from every major video game publication is often criticized for it's inclusion of a new main character and it's plot that many consider (and I'm quoting) "absurd" and "inept"

I can see why people would say it's "absurd". It is very absurd. MGS2 has an apparently immortal man (who after being shot in the forehead by the main character boasts that he's already died once and can't die again) and a digital life-form that claims to be subconscious of the United States.

I don't see why people complain so much. MGS2 as perfect as something can be. It exceeds the first game in every aspect, story-telling, gameplay, and enviroment both in game and out (Hideo Kojima told an interviewer that when the main characters is outside the fan in the Playstation 2 console actually runs faster in an attempt to create more dust in the room that the game is being played in)

Let's focus on gameplay: at it's time Metal Gear Solid 2 had an unprecedented amount of detail. bags of flour can be shot to produce hazy clouds of powder, pipes can be shot to release steam, you can break mirrors and windows, hide in lockers, and the list goes on and on. The enemy AI is extremely intelligent and deadly in combat. They perform clearings in suspicious areas and work in teams.

There's a plethora of weapons and items available ranging from cardboard boxes, to assault rifles, to anti-depressants to steady your hand. Even dirty magazines can be used to distract guards on patrol.

In conclusion it's hard for me to imagine someone actually playing Metal Gear Solid 2 and walking away from it unsatisfied. It is one of the greatest achievements in gaming, writing, and story presentation ever and definitely one of the finest games on the PS2.