Being a human being, a review

Clothes: invented by people.

Homo sapiens: man, the wise. The current dominant species on the planet. Top of the food chain and sometimes on top of the mountains in the case of Mt. Everest climbers. So, how are we doing as a species? Instead of reviewing something trifling like a book or a video game, today I'm reviewing the entire of humanity. I'm calling that "how's my driving?" number on the back of our collective asses.

1.) Population and the planet.

"The last tenet was a bit unruly at times..."

At last count, there's over 6 billion people in the world. To put that in perspective, there's around a quadrillion ants in the world. "That's a lot of fucking ants" as my brother said when he asked what a quadrillion was. See, we're outnumbered greatly by a lot of insects which, to anyone who has seen any science fiction ever, is pretty disturbing. And, at the rate that we're destroying our lovely blue-green home with pollution and other things, the fiction of mutated killer insects may become fact. Turns out, humans are fairly poor house-keepers. When that gigantic meteor signed the dinosaurs eviction notice, it didn't give them enough time to tell us how to take care of the place. So we've, understandably, had a bit of hard time figuring out how to turn the washer on and off on our own with no instructions. Most guys can't remember to put the lid down on the toilet, much less remember not to dump toxic waste in the local water supply. But alas, we do the best we can and did create waste management institutions and organizations like the EPA so I'm going to give us a C- there. I should also point out that the fact that we have managed to avoid nuclear holocaust thus far raises that a whole letter grade.

2.) Survival skills, social behavior, and empathy.

"...just not the poor people. They have no money."

I'm going to go out on a limb here and say survival is probably your #1 goal. It would seem that the days of hunting on the forest floor to feed your family is over. Now, we navigate a different jungle and face different predators: like being embarrassed in public over your receding hairline or having to wait in line at the DMV. You know, the real problems that affect our lives. We no longer have to take down a gazelle with a do-it-yourself bow and arrow. We can just drive up to a strangely shaped building and trade some paper with funny pictures on it for food. The stress from being drunk-dialed by your ex at two in the morning when you're trying to get rest for work tomorrow certainly at least matches the stress of being stalked by large jungle cats for days. We became so successful as a species because we formed groups and worked together. However, that brought its own problems. All the little groups decide that they were the best and the others should be dead. Y'know, ethnic cleansing: a national pastime in some African nations...

"You were born to the people that the largest mob and/or government has deemed unclean? Well, sorry I guess I have to kill you. But don't worry, my friends and I will be sure to rape your wife a couple hundred times before you go as a courtesy. Thanks for being born in Sudan! Come again, please."

Think of the last argument you had... what was it over? A TV show? a brand? We all know that McDonald's burgers are so much better than Burger King's. Duh. What, you don't agree? Then fuck you, asshole! Get out of my house! Hey, by the way, do you know how many people starve to death every day? About 13 thousand. A day. Did you enjoy your five meals today? Two of which were prepared for you and put into their own special little containers? There are segments of the population who hate people they've never met because of their race... something you have zero control over. For being selfish children that know how to operates guns our entire lives, we get a D-

3.) Conclusion:

"I've never met you, but I hate you."

The problem with society is not the individual but the people. You can get a group of a hundred people to do what you couldn't ever convince an individual to do. We are hardwired to submit to the mob. It's a survival skill that was necessary to get us this far. However, we discovered the AK-47 before we figured out how to love one another. It's foolish to think that we can completely deny our biology. Ask the Reverend Ted Haggard, a mega-church preacher who got caught up in a gay-sex scandal. Recently, he admitted to being bisexual. You just can't fight some things. I joked about Africa earlier being such a terrible place but why do you think that is? A willingness to submit and go with the flow coupled with the extreme greed and hatred of a few charismatic men. There's a lot of different movements and charitable work going on right now all over the world and that's great... I fully support anyone who wants to dedicate their lives to helping others. I have one question, though: why can't we end hatred, poverty, and oppression here? People nearly starve to death in the richest nation on the planet. Have you thought of how sad that is? Has the thought ever even crossed your mind? Another example: If you're against gay marriage, are you aware that if it were completely legal everywhere in the United States it would have zero effect on your life? What exactly is your stake in this? I have some speculations. It's another way to force your so-called "morality" onto other people and have them live their lives as you dictate. Is it some sort of power-trip? Sounds like it. In some cases, maybe it's just simple, primal hatred. And, of course, tradition and by proxy religion plays a role. It's always been done this way so why change it? Bob Dylan sang "The Times They Are A-Changin'" because he recognized that things actually were changing. We defeated state-sponsored segregation, we had the sexual revolution and our society was drastically changed for the better much to the initial dismay of a lot of folk across the country who cleaved to those old values and old ways of thinking. Society evolves. Attitudes, taboos, and mores change with new generations, technology and ideas and people need to understand this.

It is true that we will probably never defeat the violence in our souls and that, somewhere in the world, there will always be cruelty, death, and injustice. You're not going to defeat human nature. What you can do is be the best damn person you can be and seek your own happiness. I'm probably just going to live out my life, be as happy as possible, and remain apathetic to the overall plight of my species. Humanity gets a D.